I’m very worried that I’m going to be impeached as head of my household. I’ve heard whispers from the two dogs and if they convince Heather to join them, I’m toast. This is certainly not about who’s really in charge here. We all know that would be Heather. ‘ Head of household’ is an empty … More Impeach This!!!
Like using the word bug when you really mean bother. I don’t know why or When bother was replaced by the word bug, maybe it’s just because bugs have a tendency to bug us. There! I’ve done it again. Bugs bother me. End of story. It’s a lot like using the word funny improperly. If … More You Bug Me!!!!
Why not scratch someone else’s head if you can’t figure something out? You’ll get the same result and have some fun at the same time. I really have never seen someone scratch their head over a question when the answer eludes them. Yet I have consistently heard it said so often. “He was left scratching … More I Don’t Know The Answer So I’m Going To Scratch Your Head – My Most Popular Blog!
I was in a bank. A boy was holding a can full of change. He put a nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. He couldn’t breathe. A man stepped up and did a heimlich maneuver on the boy. His Mom asked, “Sir are you a doctor?” He said, “Nope, IRS agent.” He put the … More That’s My Nickel!!!
Ok, I admit it. I’m the one who meddled with the election. It wasn’t the Russians at all. They were just an easy target. My candidate, a guy named Mike, wasn’t on the ballot, so I had no choice. He lost anyway, so it’s a mute point. I’m sure I’ll be hearing from Homeland Security … More I Did It! I Meddled With The Election!!!
Last week I sculpted a statue of myself on a horse. This week I was offended by it so I toppled it over and lit my house on fire. My neighbors weren’t very happy with my actions because the fire burned down their house too. Its ok though because they’re from the South and that … More Tear It Down!!!
Suddenly of all of my important cards including my Drivers license, credit cards, insurance cards are missing. I blame Donald Trump for collusion with the thief who took them. There can be no other explanation. I know you’re like me. No matter your party affiliation, you’re sick and tired of all of the accusations coming … More I’m So Confused!!!
When I was young, I learned that George Washington had wooden teeth and that he was so honest that he admitted to chopping down his father’s prized cherry tree. It turns out neither is true. I know! I’m shocked too! It was the first White House scandal. James Comey is now investigating. According to mountvernon.org, … More Lies From the Whitehouse
Kim Jung Un, who’s name obviously makes him the offspring of Kanye and Kim, always looks hungry. Send Dennis Rodman to give him a hot dog and a soda laced with antifreeze. Done and done. In fact, he’ll probably ask for more. If anyone deserves the death penalty, it’s this jerk. He has allowed at … More North Korea? I have the Answer!!
OK, let’s get this over with already. Oy. I talked to the Russian Ambassador and wiretapped the President’s phones. I also released the secret documents. Now can we get back to working on our country? By far, this has been the most bizarre election and transition in my lifetime. I know I’m young, according to … More I’m A Spy!!!