I always strive to be the best at whatever I do. It doesn’t always work, in fact I’ve only been able￼ to accomplish perfection In one thing. I do a perfect impression of myself. I mean it is spot on! I love doing impressions in my act. I did quite a few, such as￼￼ Forrest … More I am the best!!!
Yesterday I watched the movie splash. It was as funny as ever. I have an affinity for that movie because every time I watch it it reminds me of the time when I too, dated a mermaid. It was great except I absolutely refused to live in the water with her. She could easily live … More She Made A Splash!!!
I recently watched Forrest Gump again. That makes 1325×3 times. The story basically goes that Gump finds a pretty girl, beats the tar out of anyone who touches her and ends up with the pretty girl at the end of the movie. I wish I had known that would work when I was young. Other … More Forrest Gump to the rescue!!!
A friend of mine wanted a boat. His wife hated the idea. After bickering for days, he wore her down. She agreed. He said, “Just for that, I’ll let you name her!” When he went to take the boat on it’s maiden voyage, he read the name painted on it, “For Sale” I love boats. … More Seriously??? You Did That???
My wife and I were discussing who would portray our characters if a movie was ever made about our lives. I said George Clooney. She said, “In that case, I’ll play myself”. I think a lot of people play that game. We try to pick the best, albeit grossly exaggerated, star. I don’t want to … More George Clooney?? Not Fair!!
Insanity is wonderful. People expect so little of you, so you never disappoint. A few years ago, we celebrated a double birthday with my wife’s family. For whatever reason, I was comically on fire! I had everyone in stitches (weird term) all night at the restaurant. Very unusual, these days. Frankly, I think it was … More I’m Crazy! Nuts! A Loon!
We went to get some ice cream from a local place and my knee was particularly painful that day. We went to the counter and sat down and I winced with pain for a moment. I ordered two scoops of chocolate. The clerk asked, “Crushed nuts”? I said, “No, just arthritis”. Today is National Senior … More Don’t Call Me Junior!!!
I think it would be funny if in “Castaway”, when Tom Hank’s character is found, he went to school, became a dentist and performed all tooth extractions with an ice skate. The first word that comes to mind is “Ouch”!! But then we realize that after he performed the procedure on himself, he immediately went … More Fantastic Medical Device!!
When I used to sell ladies shoes, two really nice elderly women came in. I started to get an idea of what the buyer wanted when they began talking. Forever. Finally, I said, “Will you old bitties buy something? I have work to do”. I couldn’t believe I said that. The ladies stopped talking and … More World Class?? No!!
Scott Baio, of Happy Days and Charles in Charge, tonight became the latest celebrity to endorse a presidential candidate––and that candidate is Donald Trump. After talking about how he campaigned for Ronald Reagan, Baio revealed his endorsement to Jeanine Pirro. He explained that he’s a conservative independent tired of the GOP who just wants … More Joanie Loves Chachi Who Loves Trump??