I just read an email from a retailer that called today ‘Thanksgiving Tuesday’. Really? What’s next? “Don’t miss these exciting eight months, two weeks and 12 hour Thanksgiving deals!” I swear it will happen. When will the blatent non-stop greedy exploitation of holidays end? Even Veterans Day, Labor and Memorial Days trigger ‘Extended Holiday Sale!’ … More Um, What Day Is This???
Heather and I were playing ‘Trivial Pursuit’ with some friends when one of the other guys got the question, ‘If you’re in a vacuum and someone calls your name, could you hear it?’ He told thought it over and asked, “Is it on or off?” Knucklehead. Playing games with friends or family can be very … More Seriously?? That’s Your Answer???
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to do so. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. Some people are far too honest. You know them. Proud to … More I’m Better Than You!!!!
At a store last week the cashier was having a bad day. The register ran out of receipt tape and then she dropped a roll of quarters. My order was $22 even and I was trying to calm her down. I said “Well that’s around figure.” She said, “Yeah, well you’re not so skinny yourself.” … More Hey, Watch It, Lady!!!!
Does anyone know of a diet plan where you can eat all of the holiday leftovers so you’re not throwing out good food and at the same time lose two pounds a day? I’m uh, asking for a friend. I lost about seven pounds before Thanksgiving and gained it back. Ugh! I’m sure that happens … More It’s Here!! Today’s The Day!!!
This Halloween some kids rang the doorbell and as I was passing out candy I asked each one what they were dressed as. One boy was in a nice suit and said, “I’m an IRS agent.” Then he took 40% of the candy and didn’t even say thank you. The kids is a natural. Halloween … More Wait A Minute!! Get Back Here!!!
A lady was looking through all of the turkeys at the grocery store but couldn’t find one large enough to suit her needs. She asked the clerk, “Excuse me, do these turkeys get any bigger?” The clerk said, “No ma’am, they’re dead.” So many years ago, as the pilgrims sat down to eat with … More What?? No Football????