If the eyes are truly the windows to the soul, I’m going to put blinds on them. I don’t need people looking in there. … More Windows to the Soul!
I’ve heard people say, “Don’t get your nose out of joint”, which makes me wonder if some people get arthritis in their nose. … More Arthritis in Your Nose??
In my mind, Fruit Loops sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals. … More Breakfast!
Every time my wife asks me who I’m talking to on the phone, texting, emailing, etc., I always tell her it’s Jake, from State Farm. … More Suspicious Minds!
I used to panic if I lost an important email. Now, if I lose one, I’ll just contact NSA and have them forward their copy. … More NSA
If you have a Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Son, Daughter, Grandma, Grandpa, Neice, Nephew, First Cousin, Great Aunt that you love, like and share this. Otherwise, you don’t care. … More Share THIS!
I hate it when my wife, who holds the debit card, tells me to get in line at the grocery store because she has to get one more item, and I reach the cashier before she gets back. That’s incredibly awkward. I panic like Rob Ford in a sobriety test. … More Panic Attack!
I think if I had one wish the Wizard of Oz could grant, I would choose to go back in time and invent the Chia Pet. I would be rich in the most ridiculous way possible. … More Off to see the Wizard!
The line between comedians is very, very thin in relation to pure, unadulterated lunacy. Some of my friends and I made the crossover some time ago. … More Crazy Comedians!
I’m told if I eat right and exercise, I’ll add 10 years to my life. If I could choose the decade to extend, it would be great, but why would I want to extend my life at the end when all I can eat is soft food and wear depends? … More Exercising Caution!