You’re A Jerk!!!

I went to see my doctor because I had a sore throat. He asked what was wrong but I could barely talk. He demanded that I speak louder. I said, “I’m sorry, I’m a little hoarse.” He said, “Sorry to be the one to break it to you but the resemblance doesn’t stop there.” The … More You’re A Jerk!!!

My Cookie!!!

Heather, my wife ordered some Chinese food on Saturday night for her and her and a friend. Yesterday, she smashed one of the fortune cookies with her fist, just for fun. I looked at the “fortune” and it said “Ouch”. Chinese food is ok. I could take it or leave it. The things I used … More My Cookie!!!

It’s Gone!!!

As a kid we went on a camping. After getting to sleep the second night, my father woke me up. He said, “Look up into the sky and tell me what you see”. I said “I see millions of stars”. He asked what that meant. I told him that there are millions of galaxies and … More It’s Gone!!!

No Soup For You!!!

I’ve mentioned that I used to date a really ridiculous woman. The one who’s kid flunked kindergarten. How do you flunk kindergarten, take bad naps? I took her to a movie. I got popcorn and I got her M&Ms. She immediately started throwing out the brown ones. I asked her why and I swear she … More No Soup For You!!!

Crabs!

A lobster and a crayfish went out to dinner. While in the restaurant, the lobster saw a buddy of his and invited him to join them. After introductions, the waiter brought the appetizer. The crayfish ate all of it himself. His lobster friend apologized to the other lobster, saying, “You’ll have to forgive him. He’s a little shellfish”. … More Crabs!

Crabs!

A lobster and a crayfish went out to dinner. While in the restaurant, the lobster saw a buddy of his and invited him to join them. After introductions, the waiter brought the appetizer. The crayfish ate all of it himself. His lobster friend apologized to the other lobster, saying, “You’ll have to forgive him. He’s a little shellfish”. … More Crabs!