Whenever I see a beautiful sunrise I think,’What’s the big deal?’ I’ve seen thousands of them and there’s gonna be another one tomorrow. In fact since I’ve been alive the sun has risen approximately 23,107 times. I say approximately because I spent a little time in Alaska and in Calgary, Alberta where the sun didn’t … More Beautiful Sunrise??? Bleh!
Yesterday I took a train downtown. About halfway there the tracks shifted and we started going east. It wouldn’t stop. When we finally did, it was a 30 borscht stop. It was cool because I had never been to Russia. Plus I was all wet. My friends don’t believe me, but I’m pretty sure it … More All Aboard!!!
I sometimes pretend I believe in reincarnation. Please, no offense to those who do. I only use it if I’m sensing a fight is in the works. I don’t fight, so the best I can do is tell them, “You just wait! When I die, I’m coming back as Bruce Willis. Then you’ll pay!” I … More I’m Coming Back To Get You!!!
I told a friend that I took Russian as my language requirement in school. Now I see black SUVs without plates outside my house 24/7 and my phone is making a strange noise. Oh, and I’m pretty sure I ran into Robert Mueller at the local 7-11. He was the clerk who prepared my hot … More Seriously? An Investigation? What did I do???
I figured it out! Russia has been infiltrating spies for decades! Just think about the subtle comparisons. Cosmonauts/Cosmetologists.who would suspect? And I’m pretty sure they get their assignments from special codes inside Cosmopolitan Magazine. I know! I have been in touch with the FBI several times and they’re taking this very seriously. I wouldn’t be … More I Know How The Russians Did It!!!
Robert Mueller’s team raided my home office yesterday. I know! They said it was because I had been playing the card game Spades on my computer which always includes one suit that is trump. I’m going to plead the fifth in Russian. It seems like everybody on ‘The Hill’ is either getting raided, fired or … More I’m Not Guilty!!!
When I was young, I learned that George Washington had wooden teeth and that he was so honest that he admitted to chopping down his father’s prized cherry tree. It turns out neither is true. I know! I’m shocked too! It was the first White House scandal. James Comey is now investigating. According to mountvernon.org, … More Lies From the Whitehouse
OK, let’s get this over with already. Oy. I talked to the Russian Ambassador and wiretapped the President’s phones. I also released the secret documents. Now can we get back to working on our country? By far, this has been the most bizarre election and transition in my lifetime. I know I’m young, according to … More I’m A Spy!!!
I don’t know why everyone is so upset that Jeff Sessions spoke with a Russian Ambassador prior to becoming a Republican surrogate for the Republican candidate. Sarah Palin could see Russia from her house outside of Wasilla, Alaska which means she could have been in communication with a mirror or smoke signals. Depending on which … More He Spoke With Him???
I told you about my girlfriend who would just disappear for weeks and go to some exotic location and never even let me know when and where she was. One day I told a friend that she was probably in the Caribbean somewhere. He said, “Jamaica”? I said, “No, she went willingly”. As you know, … More Don’t Send Me To Russia!!