An elderly couple were out for a Sunday drive. The woman said, “Look at us. We used to sit right next to each other all of the time. Now you’re way over there and I’m way over here. What happened?” The man said, “I don’t know, I didn’t move.” I haven’t thought about that joke … More I’m Still Here!!!
Modern Family is exactly like The Waltons, except they don’t all live in the same house, they constantly fight with each other and Pa doesn’t work with wood for a living. Um, actually, forget it. They’re not even close. I love Modern Family, the TV show. The characters are hilarious, so you know the writers … More The Family is Coming!? Yikes!!!
Last week, three people knocked on my door. The first was a politician doing some old fashioned campaigning. The second were two guys asking for someone I’ve never heard of. The last time there was a very pregnant woman asking me if I sold nursing bras. What??? Obviously someone locally was selling them and she … More Knock Knock. Who’s There? Do I What???
A guy sold bagels at a stand for 50 cents. Every day a runner passed by and put 50 cents into the bucket without taking a bagel. One day the owner joined him. The runner said, "You want to know why I always put money in and never take a bagel?" "No, I just want … More Running for Bagels???
My daughter and her husband are having difficulty keeping their boys from running into the parking lot. So they put up a gate. Steve was working on the outside of the gate and dropped a screw. “Don’t worry, Daddy”, Isaac said, “I’ll get it for you”. He crawled under the gate and got the screw. … More Kids Are Brilliant!!!
Heather, my wife is a runner, so I finally tried it. I ran on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I’ve always heard about a state of euphoria a runner reaches at some point. Heather asked me if I had hit that state yet. I said, “Absolutely. Every week on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.” I think a … More Run For Your Life!!
I think if you get a charlie horse, you should be able to stop it just by yelling “Whoa”. Charlie horses are the worst. There is absolutely no warning at all. They can and will strike at the worst possible moments. You’re sound asleep in your nice warm bed and wham! Charlie got you. Many … More My Horse Is Killing Me!!!
I finally realized that I needed to get in shape, so I made plans to join a gym and work out for one full year. The year I picked is 2036. I’ll be 90 years old by that time and it’s much more impressive to see a 90 year old at the gym than someone … More I’m Too Lazy!!
It’s so hot, Siri just told me to put my phone in the fridge. It’s so hot, the hottest woman in America lives in a shack in Phoenix. 42 years ago today was my first day of active duty in the Air Force. Talk about culture shock! I went from the wonderful temperature in Eureka, … More I’m on Fire!!!
iIf you want real exercise and can’t afford the expensive programs, don’t worry. There’s a better way. Just find a very large bee hive and a stick and nail it like a pináta. I know that wasps, bees, scorpions, spiders and fire ants are all God’s creatures but I don’t like being stung or bitten … More The Newest Exercise Program!!