I know my current anniversary is February 7th. I never miss it. IPhone reminders are amazing! I Forgot the other three. Why do I want to remember? Because on those days I would so sit around in my boxers and an old stained t-shirt, drink beer, belch a lot and scratch myself. Sure, I’d clean … More Yikes!!! I Forgot My Anniversary!!!
Last year on April Fools Day, I told a police officer that I had committed the murder they couldn’t solve. Before I could say “April Fools!”, I was on the ground, cuffed and whisked off for 8 grueling hours of interrogation. They were not happy about my prank. I need to think these things through. … More I Got You Good!!!
I love to mess with people. I went into a book store once and told an employee that I was looking for a book about turtles. He asked, “Hardback?” I said, “Please. And also with a little head, legs and a tail.” I thought it was funny. He was not amused. My odd sense of … More Turtles On The Half Shell!!!
I asked Siri to play some music I would like. Suddenly Alexa said, “I can do that”, and it was on. A huge fight! A smart phone vs a remote. I tried to break it up but wound up with a nasty rectangular bruise on my forehead, a broken phone and remote. It’s the worst … More Ladies! Stop Hitting Each Other!!!
I thought about writing a joke about time travel but only three of you liked it. I wish time travel was real. I don’t think I would want to see what’s in store in the coming years, but I would definitely love to relive many moments in my past. Most of them would involve successful … More Take Me Back!!!
During a job interview, the interviewer told me that this position really needs a very responsible person. I said, “I’m your man! At every job I’ve had, when ever there was a major problem they said I was responsible.” She was not amused. I think a good sense of humor should never be overlooked in … More You’re Fired.. Hired.. Get Out!!
After my year end review one time, my boss told me what my pay raise was. He told me to keep it confidential. I said, “No problem with that. I’m just as ashamed of it as you are.” Like most entertainers, I had day jobs in the beginning of my career and again toward the … More Seriously??? You Call This A Raise???
I love bananas, except when they begin to get spots on them, which happens at a very rapid pace. Once they’re spotted, they turn brown and are gross. Come to think about it, I hate bananas. Beside being of an odd shape, which can be kind of fun, they hold great nutritional value. Bananas are … More My Bananas Are Brown Already???
A friend of mine is a principal at a middle school. One day he saw a new substitute teacher banging his forehead against a locker muttering , “How did I get myself into this?” My friend asked, “Are you okay? Can I help?” The teacher said, “I’ll be fine as soon as I get this kid … More I’m A Shut In!!!
When I was a kid, I loved messing with my teachers’ heads. A teacher once asked me why I didn’t turn in my homework. I told her that my dog ate it. She said, “You expect me to believe that?” I said, “Its true! I had to smear some dog food on it, but he … More My Dog Ate it!!