When I was a kid I told a cop that I had run away from home and now I can’t find my parents. Can you help me? I’d love to, said the cop but there’s just too many places for them to hide. ￼￼ ~Rodney Dangerfield I only ran away from home one time. We … More I’m out of here!!!
I have a tradition and today is the day! Every year on November 6, I put on my tap dance shoes and go crazy. At least that’s what the police claim after my neighbor called them to do a welfare check. Ridiculous. I’m not even on welfare. I’m always impressed by people who can really … More Do What Again???
I love it when someone is being interrogated by the police and 3/4 of the way into the interview the officer asks a question and the person says, “honestly?” That just doesn’t look good. It means that everything you’ve said up until then may have been a lie. Not smart. Instead, maybe you could say, … More To Be Honest…
My house doesn’t have a/c. I didn’t think I could afford a system last year so I bought 34 tubs and kept them filed with dry ice and water with a fan behind each. It was cool but very foggy and I kept running into things. I finally broke my leg. I spent $175,000 that … More I Can’t See Through The Fog!!!
I love to sing and really belt it out. My neighbors love it too because they keep pounding on the walls when I do, which I’m convinced is a call for an encore. They even had some police officers come over to listen. I can sing. Heck, almost everyone can sing. I’m not sure we … More You Just Don’t Appreciate My Talent!!!
I went to the credit union where Heather works and told the teller I wanted to open a joint account. “No problem”, she said. “Heather will be on the account?” I said, “Oh no. Pick anyone who has a lot of money.” At least I thought it was funny. Wouldn’t that be cool? Just join … More Anyone??? Are You Kidding Me???
I have an appointment today so I’m trying both services. Uber and Lyft. Why both? Because I don’t care about the cost and it will be fun for me. I’ll have Uber drive me about a mile and then have Lyft do the same. Then Uber again, etc. Can’t wait! Realistically, I fully expect to … More I’m going to get a Lyft grown Uber today?? Is that legal???