This is what I call myself every time I pour a cup of coffee and try to carry it over to the couch to enjoy it. If I try to take a full cup with the way I shake it never gets there. It’s spills all over everything. So I always take a half a … More I Said Only A Half A Cup, Moron!!!!
I have gout again, and I love it! Your foot swells up and every step feels like you’re walking on a broken foot. I’ve heard that ‘at least when you feel pain, you know you’re alive’. Um, I know I’m alive because I still have to pay taxes. I’m gonna track that guy who said … More I Feel Alive!!!
Last night Heather said, “I think we’re a good couple.” I told her that I do too, then asked her what prompted to say that. “She said, I was thinking about stabbing you a couple of days ago but decided not to.” Yikes! Is this what it’s come down to? They should just go ahead … More I Love You For So Much For Allowing Me To Live!!
We watched ‘The Mist’ where a giant cloud of fog engulfed a small town and everyone out in the mist was savagely killed. This morning I looked outside and there’s a huge mist out there. I’m canceling anything that would take me outdoors until this is over. I despise you Stephen King! I’ve never been … More Stephen King, Literary Terrorist!!!
My neighbor disappeared. His wife reported he was missing. “He’s, 6 foot 4, dark eyes, wavy hair, very fit, soft-spoken, and is good to the children.” The cop said, I know him. He’s 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.” She said, “Yes, but who wants HIM … More You Found My (gulp!) DNA???
There are some things that I just don’t understand. Why does Cupid represent love? The last thing I would ever want is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. We’ve all seen the pictures on Valentines Day. Little Cupid with his bow drawn and ready to fire at someone’s heart. Cheeseburgers and … More I Think I Love You – Ouch!!!
If I'm ever murdered, a one armed woman in Nebraska did it. I’ve never met or heard from her but my gut tells me it's her. Wait a minute, I just burped and the feeling is gone. Carry on. I’ve mentioned before that we watch a lot of crime movies and tv shows. In the … More She Did It!!!