My landlord is so cool! I told him we needed a peep hole in the front door. He really didn’t want a hole in the door, so he bought a ring bell so I can see everyone who comes to the door before I open it. Now when the cops come for me, I can … More Knock Knock!! I Know Who You Are!!
My son has recently been learning some card tricks and he’s really good! One of them was particularly great. I asked him how he did it. He said, “Dad, I could tell you but then I’d have to make you disappear.” I said, “In that case, can you show it to my mother in law?” … More Where In The Heck Did She Go???
A former mother in law, as her daughter was leaving, told me that she ‘broke her back’ and ‘worked her fingers to the bone’ trying to make a home for me and my children. Saying that I was unaware because each of those would have required immediate medical attention was apparently the wrong approach. You … More Ouch!!!! That Had To Be Excruciating!!!
We played the Christmas version of ‘Clue’ this year. My Mother-in-law killed the Christmas dinner, in the kitchen, with the oven. Just kidding. She didn’t even touch the holiday dinner. We’ve learned that the hard way. One year, she took the turkey out of the oven and I swear it cried out for help. This … More Get A Clue!!!
Last night Heather said, “I think we’re a good couple.” I told her that I do too, then asked her what prompted to say that. “She said, I was thinking about stabbing you a couple of days ago but decided not to.” Yikes! Is this what it’s come down to? They should just go ahead … More I Love You For So Much For Allowing Me To Live!!
Before we got married, we had dinner with Heather’s parents. She told me that her Mom is opinionated and mean. I assured her I could stand up to her. I didn’t and Heather wanted to know why. I said “It got to the point where I was more afraid of the flying monkeys looming outside … More Flying Monkeys????
My knucklehead friend is not computer savvy. He called a tech who asked, “Ok, now which lights are on?” My friend said, “Let’s see, the kitchen, the office, of course and the refrigerator; that thing is on 24/7.” Some people just don’t understand computers. I understand that if they’re elderly, although my Mom has it … More The Lights Are On, But… You Get It.