When my kids were little, we were leaving Disneyland. My daughter waved and said, “Bye bye, Goofy.” My son waved and said, “Bye bye, Pluto.” I waved and said, “Bye bye, money.” I honestly have no idea how a family can afford to go to any of the Disney properties. Seriously, it’s crazy expensive. I … More Are You Nuts?? I Can’t Afford This!!!
My son is the pastor of a church in Mississippi. A visitor approached him and asked my son to pray for his hearing. After prayer, my son asked him if his hearing was better. “I don’t know”, the guy said, “The hearing is on Tuesday.” Slight miscommunication there, eh? Certainly not on the part of … More How Is That Supposed To Help Me???
I told Heather I figured out how take money with me when I croak. “I’ll put a bag of cash in the attic directly over the bed and then grab it on my way up to Heaven.” She said, “Good plan, but I think you should put it in the basement.” I think there can … More Who Says You Can’t Take It With You????
A friend of mine just married a 27 year old beautiful woman. He’s 60 so I asked him, “How in the world did you land such a beautiful young woman?” He said, “Jerry, I’m not proud of it but I lied about a couple of things. I told her I was rich and 87.” Gold … More You’re How Old????
A ‘Budget’ is simply a method for going broke methodically. I used to create our home budget a year out but invariably I would forget some things and have to make a new one. Oh, and we were broke too. I finally gave up. Ok, my wife insisted that she take over the finances, but … More What Do You Mean I’m Broke???
When I was in elementary school, my teacher asked me “Jerry, if you have five dollars and you ask your Dad for five more, how many would you have?” I said “Five.” She said, “You don’t know addition very well.” I said, “You don’t know my Dad very well.” Parents need to be frugal for … More
I feel so sorry for trust fund kids. They have to wait until they're 25 to get their millions. They get very upset because in the meantime they're forced to scrape by with thousands of dollars per month. They completely miss out on the experience of having a job. I've known some trust fund kids … More It’s Horrible!!!
I think all New England Patriots and their fans should be deported. They pose an imminent threat to the AFC East in the NFL. Then we’ll build a wall around the stadium just in case they try to sneak back in. That team just seems to win no matter what happens. That means they have … More New England Border Patrol!!
I saw an interview with a MLB player. The reporter said “You make a lot of money but have yet to give to a charity”! “Do you know my Mom is very sick? My brother can’t find a job? My sister’s husband left her penniless? I dont give them money so why would I give … More I Can’t Give To Charities!!!
A foreigner who couldn’t read English approached me at the ATM I was using and asked me to help him check his balance so I pushed him over. I love ATMs. You put a card in, punch some numbers in and cash comes pouring out! How cool is that? It doesn’t matter that the money … More I Have No Money!!!