I should have known my first marriage was over when I opened a Christmas present from my wife and it was luggage. Marriages are very difficult to navigate for long periods of time. I’ve gotten better at it, but navigation through the unknown is risky, at best. Just ask the skipper of the Titanic. … More I Keep A Minister And A Divorce Attorney On Retainer!!!
A former mother in law, as her daughter was leaving, told me that she ‘broke her back’ and ‘worked her fingers to the bone’ trying to make a home for me and my children. Saying that I was unaware because each of those would have required immediate medical attention was apparently the wrong approach. You … More Ouch!!!! That Had To Be Excruciating!!!
This morning I covered my ear with my coffee cup and could hear the ocean! I know! It was awesome until the pain from really hot coffee filled my ear. That hurt! Live and learn. Some things a person should be able to think things through on their own. You know, like taking a lear … More Don’t Drink Coffee Near The Ocean!!!!
My son is the pastor of a church in Mississippi. A visitor approached him and asked my son to pray for his hearing. After prayer, my son asked him if his hearing was better. “I don’t know”, the guy said, “The hearing is on Tuesday.” Slight miscommunication there, eh? Certainly not on the part of … More How Is That Supposed To Help Me???
My foot was severely swollen and extremely painful. I went to my doctor. She took one look and said “gout”. I said, “That’s rude, I just got here.” There is really nothing funny about the gout. It’s incredibly painful and oftentimes requires a crutch or cane to get around. I get it from time to … More Ahhhh! I Think I Broke My Foot!!!
The shortest sentence in the English language, I think, is “I am”. The longest sentence? “I do.” Ok, before anyone goes completely nuts on me, I love my wife of 20 years very much. It’s just that as a comedian and comedy writer, there are certain things I just think of and feel the need … More I’ve Been Sentenced!!!!
I hope Heather gets amnesia at some point because after 20 years, I’ve run out of stories and funny things to share with her. She just gives me the eyes glazed over look. The other problem is that this is my fourth marriage and she doesn’t really want to hear about funny things that may … More You’re So Funny!!!