I am absolutely certain that my dogs can understand English perfectly and are using their clever ‘doggy’ language to plot the overthrow of our household government. They want more meat content in their Iams. I need to let Heather, our leader, know at once! I don’t think they’ve thought this through. First of all, they’re … More Do They Really Think They Can Get Away With It???
Due to my tweet about shooting my neighbor yesterday, the city is demanding that I step down from being caretaker of my two toy schnauzers. The dogs have no opposable thumbs and one only has six teeth. What are they going to do, bark someone to death? I think I’m going to close my Twitter … More I’m Not Going To Resign!!!
Heather and I approved a bill that will keep our house running for three more months. That was close! I had to agree to relinquish the remote control and stop telling dumb jokes (AKA my act) while she will do nothing different. I’m the first to admit that Heather runs the marriage, although she doesn’t … More We Can’t Afford It!!!!
Yesterday the TV cable guy refused to come in the house until I put my two ferocious Toy Schnauzers in another room. Seriously, cable dude? What’s next? He won’t go in the next house because there’s a blood thirsty Yorkie? Wuss. It gets worse. Neither dog bites but one barks at strangers. She’s a rescue … More The Cable Guy Did What???
Yesterday was National Dog Day here in the USA. It was hateful because there’s no Horse Day, Armadillo Day; nothing for so many animals. Why do ground hogs get a day? The whole thing is clearly racist and must be stopped. I’m pressing to eliminate the celebration of Punxsutawney Phil. Haters. I love dogs. We … More You Are A Racist!!!
What a dog thinks:
A trash can is container to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If successful, you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread. … More Man’s Best Friend!!
In honor of National Puppy Day, I will lay around, howl at the most feint sound, eat part of the couch, chase cars and lay in wait to bite the mailman. Oh, and have dinner at grandma’s. Now that’s some dog food. … More National Comedian Day!!