There is only one thing in my life that I’m sure of, and that is the love of my wife. Oh, and God. Um, my kids and grandkids love me too. Plus I have to pay taxes. And my dogs love me too. Ok, there seem to be lots of things I’m sure of. Life … More I’m only sure of one thing!!
My daughter put a tooth under her pillow anxiously to see how much she would get. I forgot all about it. She came to me and said "The Tooth Fairy forgot!" Yikes! I hid a $5 bill in the medicine cabinet and explained that sometimes The Tooth Fairy gets drunk and forgets where she's supposed … More She’s Drunk!!!
My daughter and her husband are having difficulty keeping their boys from running into the parking lot. So they put up a gate. Steve was working on the outside of the gate and dropped a screw. “Don’t worry, Daddy”, Isaac said, “I’ll get it for you”. He crawled under the gate and got the screw. … More Kids Are Brilliant!!!
At a dinner party, a little girl kept staring at a man at the table. He finally asked her why she was staring at him. She said, “Mommy and Daddy said you drink like a fish so I was just waiting to see how you do it.” Wanna get away? Kids can be brutally honest. … More You’re drunk!!!
I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste their time at work? It’s time to seriously clean out my facebook friends. There are so many that I either don’t know or which I have no common friends. As a result, I don’t see posts from my true friends. Time to wipe ’em out! I don’t … More Goodbye, Friends!
I was reminiscing about my kids and how wonderful it would be to have them back in their early teens. I miss the companionship, the fun, the laughter. But most of all, I miss having someone to clean up the dog crap. I love my children dearly and now that they’re grown, two of … More Where Have You Gone??
Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children. Let’s face it. Kids, no matter how much we love them, can be more than a challenge, especially as they grow into the teenage years. The thought of throttling them must be squelched, no matter how strong. All it takes is to remember … More Here’s Your Reward!!
I would love to be on “Survivor”. I could help around camp but that’s about it. I would be horrible at challenges and would absolutely be a liability for any tribe. I would tell jokes and make people laugh at camp and always reply to anything the most obnoxious person on the tribe said with, … More The New “Survivor”!!
Three men were at a bar. One said, “My wife was reading a ‘Tale of Two Cities’ and she gave birth to twins!” “That’s funny,” another man said, “My wife was reading ‘The Three Musketeers’ and she gave birth to triplets!” The third man shouted, “I have to get home! “When I left, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves!!!” … More You are insane!!
My grandparents and another couple got together often. One day, the other guy started talking about a great restaurant they went to. Gramps said, “Really? What’s it called?” The guy couldn’t remember. He asked, “What are those good smelling flowers called again?” “Do you mean a rose?”, Gramps asked. “Yes that’s it,” he said. The guy looked at his wife said, “Rose, what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?” … More Today is Tuesday. No, it’s Friday. What Day is it??