I love the new American Express commercial where a young woman gets the card and goes nuts, buying everything she wants. They don’t tell you that you have to pay it back and she’ll be homeless when it comes time to pay the rent.  Most of us have done it especially when it is … More What Are You, Nuts? I Can’t Pay It Back!!!!
Yesterday I pitched a new TV show to the folks at NBC. They were very intrigued because they kept looking at each other. My idea is to have six 20 somethings who live in two apartments right across from each other. Each would be quirky in their own lovable way. They went for it because … More New TV Show!!!
Yesterday I was at a coffee shop and two guys in front of me were arguing about whether coffee came from a bean or a fruit. I settled the argument with in seconds. I asked, “When was the last time you ate some fruit and went for a walk doing mach II?” Why is it … More Coffee – Bean Or Fruit???
I knew the day would come when I would have to write my memoirs. My life story. Completely ridiculous crazy life. So, I am embarking on the journey. I have completed 153 pages so far. They’re all blank. I know a guy who wrote his life story and I don’t think anyone is buying it. … More My Memoirs Are Really Kind Of Stupid.
My house doesn’t have a/c. I didn’t think I could afford a system last year so I bought 34 tubs and kept them filed with dry ice and water with a fan behind each. It was cool but very foggy and I kept running into things. I finally broke my leg. I spent $175,000 that … More I Can’t See Through The Fog!!!
A recent (real) study found that the average American utters their first curse word of the day at 10:54 a.m. I know! Bull!! The average person is stuck in traffic long before that so it can’t possibly be true. I think most everyone hates a traffic jam. I think ‘Criminal Minds’ profilers have it all … More Get Out Of My Way!!!!
My daughter and her husband are having difficulty keeping their boys from running into the parking lot. So they put up a gate. Steve was working on the outside of the gate and dropped a screw. “Don’t worry, Daddy”, Isaac said, “I’ll get it for you”. He crawled under the gate and got the screw. … More Kids Are Brilliant!!!
A man was working on a dryer, when it exploded. As the blast was propelling him upward, he saw a man falling down. He yelled at the guy, “Hey! Do you know anything about gas dryers??” The guy said, “No! Do you know anything about parachutes??” … More The Thing Blew Up!!
As a kid we went on a camping. After getting to sleep the second night, my father woke me up. He said, “Look up into the sky and tell me what you see”. I said “I see millions of stars”. He asked what that meant. I told him that there are millions of galaxies and … More It’s Gone!!!
This jus in: a single seat Cessna airplane crashed into a cemetery in Kentucky. The pilot was not hurt but police have found 92 bodies so far. The search will resume today. I don’t know why Kentucky is such an easy target. The state seems to be a magnet for Southern ridicule, which is … More I’m Afraid To Fly!!
