I think I would rather be a baseball bat than a piñata, because the piñata gets hit pretty hard. When my kids were little, I only bought one piñata for their birthday parties. I don’t mean one for each party, I mean only one ever. Each time a blindfolded kid took a whack at it, … More Stop The Beatings!!!
Yesterday was a weird day. I decided I would do whatever was on my mind without thought of consequence. So I stole a white duck, a Rolls-Royce convertible (I kicked the sales guy out the door and took off) There’s more. A lot more… I even let the duck drive. Some people say they can’t, … More Was It Just A Dream??? A Nightmare???
I wonder if people in prison celebrate Independence Day. I think the whole incarceration thing would probably squash the enthusiasm for celebrating the thankfulness for freedom. Maybe they could get red white and blue Jell-O instead of the horrid fruit cup. I’m really not trying to make light of the inmates conditions or the fact … More Independence Day? Are You Nuts???
When I was in elementary school, my teacher asked me “Jerry, if you have five dollars and you ask your Dad for five more, how many would you have?” I said “Five.” She said, “You don’t know addition very well.” I said, “You don’t know my Dad very well.” Parents need to be frugal for … More
I was talking to my friend about crazy things that we and people we know have done. My friend said, “My uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took the wheels from a Cadillac, the grill from a Rolls-Royce, and tires from a Mercedes.” I asked, “What did he get?” He said, … More Stop!!! Thief!!!
I’m pretty sure its illegal to drive your car on someone else’s lawn. In fact, I’m really sure. At least the bail wasn’t very much. I remember seeing deep tire tracks on someone’s lawn and wondering what the heck happened. Was it a really bad and expensive prank or maybe someone parks their car on … More Get Off My Land!!!
Wow. Yesterday I locked myself inside the car with no air conditioner on. It was so hot. In no time, I was feeling very sleepy. I'm sure happy that cop came to the window and told me to get out of the car. They say that if I take my meds I can go home … More It’s Hot In Here!!!
Heather said I could have whatever I wanted today. After consideration, I decided that our house will now be called a compound. I’ve always wanted a compound and now I can act more strangely than ever because everyone who lives in one is expected to be bonkers. The best part of Fathers Day is being … More Every Day Is Father’s Day!!!
On Saturday, I got a call from someone claiming to be a clerk at our police station saying I had a parking ticket that was old and now I had a warrant. It was April Fools Day, so I said, “Really? Your Mama has a warrant out for being ugly.” The jail cell wasn’t too … More I’m A Fool!!
Last week a guy came at me with scissors. Fortunately, I responded quickly with a big rock. Imagine if I had responded with a piece of paper. Close call. Some people are very quick thinkers, while others take their time to respond. This is useful when playing chess or scrabble, but not so much in … More Quick Thinking!!