I always strive to be the best at whatever I do. It doesn’t always work, in fact I’ve only been able￼ to accomplish perfection In one thing. I do a perfect impression of myself. I mean it is spot on! I love doing impressions in my act. I did quite a few, such as￼￼ Forrest … More I am the best!!!
Some practical jokes can get out of hand. I started yelling set up lines at my neighbor. Then about an hour later I’d yell the punch line. He laughed every time. The last time, though, he didn’t laugh so I shot him. The nerve. I’m currently honing my prison gang set list. Sometimes people don’t … More You Crossed The Line!!!
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to do so. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. Some people are far too honest. You know them. Proud to … More I’m Better Than You!!!!
Golf is a great sport, unless you die playing it. Then it’s a bummer. … More Killer Golf!
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to move away. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. … More Maniacs!
Don’t make me angry, The voices in my head don’t like it when you make me angry. … More Blood and Guts
Whenever I see hash tags, it makes me hungry for breakfast at Dennys. … More Hash Tags and Eggs!
I think it would be funny if one of the networks hired a group of gregarious psychics and do a show called “The Tomorrow Show. … More The Tonight Show!
In Vancouver, BC, someone invented and now serves marijuana pizza. Brilliant! Satisfy your habit and the munchies at the same time! … More Marijuana Pizza!
I thought about going into politics but I could never cheat on my wife. … More Infidelity!