I was in a bank. A boy was holding a can full of change. He put a nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. He couldn’t breathe. A man stepped up and did a heimlich maneuver on the boy. His Mom asked, “Sir are you a doctor?” He said, “Nope, IRS agent.” He put the … More That’s My Nickel!!!
I was at the Post Office last week. The person at the window next to me asked the clerk, “What do I need to do to change my address?” He said, “Move.” For the longest time I followed in my Dad’s shoes (not really, his would be way too small) and moved to a different … More I Gotta Get Out Of Town!!!
Tonight I will dress like an Internal Revenue Agent. As the door bell rings I’ll tell the kids who I am and then take 40% of their candy. They have to learn sometime, right? Halloween is crazy. Our kids are taught all year long not to take candy from strangers, except for Halloween when they’re … More Ding Dong!! Twick O Tweet!!
I’m going to vote on my own personal tax reform. No bill, just debate and a vote. I hope I can get it done before the end of the year. It sort of goes like this: I’m not going to pay them anymore. I’m pretty sure it will boost my economy. I’ve had plenty of … More I Can’t Pay My Taxes!
Heather and I were shopping. A woman screamed, “My daughter swallowed a nickel and she’s choking!!” A man performed the Heimlich maneuver and put the nickel in his pocket. The woman said, “Thank you! You must be a doctor.” He said, “Nope. I work for the IRS.” If it seems like I’m picking on the … More I’m Choking!!!!
Yesterday I saw a sign that said “Survey crew ahead”. I did. They were doing nothing. What a boring gig. I’m told the money is pretty good, which is great if that’s all you’re after. You’re probably yelling at the screen right now saying, “You moron, of course that’s why we work! For some, that’s … More I Saw A Sign!!!
I went to have some blood drawn, and the phlebotomist started asking me a bunch of questions which I had already answered several times. “Has your address changed?” “No,”. “Your phone number?” “No.” “What about your birthday?” “What???” Honestly, why do we still have to answer so many questions when we see a medical professional? … More Seriously??? Again???
When I was a trainer at Circuit City, we conducted or workshops in hotels. The food was particularly awful at one hotel. I picked out a slice of pie and gave it a taste. I asked the cook what type of pie it was. She asked what it tasted like. I said “glue”. “Then it’s … More I Have Food Poisoning!!!
A friend of mine was having trouble sleeping due to guilt. He wrote a letter to the IRS which read, “I’m sorry I lied about how much I owe. I can’t even sleep. Here is a check for $200. If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send you the rest”. I think the only good thing … More He Cheated on His Taxes!!
This is how the IRS works:
A. How much money did you make last year?
B. How much money do you have left?
C. Send B. … More We’ve Been Robbed!!