I hate falling down the stairs. I guess I’m supposed to dislike that￼. ￼What would it mean if I really liked it? it’s not so much the falling that hurts so bad, it’s mainly when you hit the floor at the bottom of the stairs. So I think from now on I’m going to fall … More Look Out Below!!!
Whenever someone says, “we had ribs last night and they were awesome. The meat fell right off the bone.” Guess what? The meat is supposed to fall off the bone. I have never yet heard someone say, “We had ribs last night and they were awesome. Except I couldn’t get any meat off the bone. … More Stop Ribbing Me!!!
I wonder if Bobby McFerrin is still happy after he turned out to be a one hit wonder. Seriously? I’m supposed to be happy if I am so far late on my rent that the landlord is going to sue me, I don’t think I’m going to be very happy. How in the world are … More Worry A Little. Life Ain’t Happy All Of The Time!!
I am at my very best when I have no competition I know that people say winning and losing any kind of a situation builds character, but I think it’s better if you win every single time. Who wants to lose? I’ll tell you who, losers like to lose every once in a while. I … More What A Loser!!!!
Once I bought a nice pocket watch. The sales guy asked me if it was for anyone special. I said “No, I’m just getting it for myself.” He said, “Would you like to have it in graved?” I said, “Yes please. I would like to read, ‘Dear Jerry, I give you this watch as a … More Would I Like It Engraved? Seriously!!!
When I was in Air Force boot camp, we were outside doing physical training. We were told to get in formation and remain still and silent. I couldn’t help myself. I started squirming like I was dancing (not a pretty sight). I heard “Mabbott, what is wrong with you?” “I’m covered with fire ants, sir!” … More They’re Killing Me!
You hear this a lot. The very fact that you say it means it’s not true. When you’re completely over someone, you will stop talking about them. They won’t even cross your mind. I don’t want to see you on an episode of dateline. That’s really not the best way to get the other person … More I’m Completely Over Him!!!