I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to do so. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. Some people are far too honest. You know them. Proud to … More I’m Better Than You!!!!
An optimist invented the airplane. A pessimist invented the parachute. I am an optimist. Most of the time I keep a positive outlook about everything. My wife, however, is a pessimist. She has a tendency to look at the downside. I think that balance is good. Imagine if both were optimists. It would be as … More I Can’t Decide!!!
Two men in their 60’s were sitting next to each other on a Florida beach. One guy asks the other, “So, just visiting?” The other man replied, “No, I’m retired. I had a business and it burned down.” The second man said, “Same with me, only mine was a flood.” Perplexed, the other man asks, … More Turn Off the Water!!!
Golf is a great sport, unless you die playing it. Then it’s a bummer. … More Killer Golf!
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to move away. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. … More Maniacs!
Don’t make me angry, The voices in my head don’t like it when you make me angry. … More Blood and Guts
Whenever I see hash tags, it makes me hungry for breakfast at Dennys. … More Hash Tags and Eggs!
I think it would be funny if one of the networks hired a group of gregarious psychics and do a show called “The Tomorrow Show. … More The Tonight Show!
In Vancouver, BC, someone invented and now serves marijuana pizza. Brilliant! Satisfy your habit and the munchies at the same time! … More Marijuana Pizza!
I thought about going into politics but I could never cheat on my wife. … More Infidelity!