Ya’ll know that certain words and phrases turn me into a crazed lunatic which isn’t too far off a stretch. Today’s phrase is “end of story”. Although it is a classic way to end an argument, I think it only works for women. “Whatever” is also a good one. my dad had the best one. … More End of story!!!
I think there is nothing as disgusting as cleaning out the refrigerator and discovering partially liquified cucumbers, zucchini etc., with the exception of pizza with pineapple and anchovies. That should be illegal. Like most men, I always get stuck with every single gross chore. Why is this sort of a standard? Men have even been … More That’s Gross! I’m Not Touching It!!!
As a potential jurist, I was being questioned by one of the attorneys. The exchange went like this: “Own your home?” “Yes” “Married?” “Yes” “How long?” “20 years” “Do you have strong opinions and freely express them?” “Not in 20 years” I don’t know too many married men who express their feelings honestly and openly. … More I Can’t Think!!!
My wife came home from work yesterday and asked what I had on my face. I told her that it was a new kind of fake tan product that is shiny. She told me that it looked ridiculous. I said, “It’s your fault. You always tell me I don’t glisten.” She said, “Listen! I tell … More My Skin Is Changing Color!!
When I went to court to get a divorce, the judge asked me what the problem was. I said, “Your honor, in our seven months together we haven’t agreed on one single thing”. The judge asked my wife the same question. She said, “It’s been eight months”. If you’ve ever lived with someone who you … More Contempt of Court!!
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Date night is a must in today’s world, but how and why did that happen? My parents didn’t have date nights. … More The Secret To A Successful Date Night!!
We saw “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes”last year. Good movie, but I’m kind of tired of the ape thing. How about “Rise of the Planet of the Men”, where we refuse to hold our woman’s purse while she tries on clothes? Now, there’s your flick. Come on, now. Enough with the talking animals. … More Revolt!!
A church bulletin: Weight Watchers meeting at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance. People obviously make mistakes, but none as scrutinized as those printed in a church bulletin. Secretaries proof read the bulletins, but it’s not a fool proof system. The spoken word can get just as messy. One day, … More The Town Hooker
I went to the doctor to find out why I was unable to do many of the household chores that I used to do. He ran some tests. He said, “In layman’s terms, you’re just plain lazy.” I said, “Ok, now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.” … More Ready, Set, Snooze!