Just when I thought it wasn’t possible, today I’m a bigger baseball fan than ever! Ok, so it’s because I gained 30 pounds during the off season, but still… Major league baseball is just a week from today! The smell of the freshly cut grass! Hot dogs! Nachos! Beer! The Crack of the bat! Juicing! … More I Can Smell The Grass!!
Heather and I argued and weren’t talking to each other. I realized I needed to wake up at 5 am and needed her to take me to the airport. I didn’t want lose so I wrote a note, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” I woke up at 9 am! Then I saw a note … More I’m Not Speaking To You!!!
A woman saw a little old looking man rocking in a chair outside a Cracker Barrel restaurant. She said, “You look so happy. What’s your secret for a long happy life?” The man said, “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, drink lots of whiskey, eat cheeseburgers and never exercise.” The woman said, “That’s … More You Turkey!!
I think Santa Claus is better than Bigfoot. They’re both hairy, have never been seen, but Santa brings gifts and eats cookies. Bigfoot doesn’t do that. As was the scene again this year, on black Wednesday, Thursday or Friday, depending on the store, we got to see the greediness that is such a tell tale … More I Saw Bigfoot! Really! Maybe?
I’m losing weight now, which is good. I think you’re only supposed to have one chin and the back of my neck is beginning to look like a package of hot dogs. I love hot dogs. Period. Boiled, fried, barbecued, roasted over a fire, microwaved, raw, cut into pieces in scrambled eggs or mac and … More Hot Diggity Dog!!!
Our neighbor had a yard sale. Annoyed by all of the traffic, I offered her $100 for everything. Then I realized I would never use any of it, so I put up some signs, sold the stuff and made $300. My neighbor is still not talking to me. Unbelievable. We were having a fire in … More Howdy, Neighbor!
When I was a kid, I went with my friend Chris to his grandparents house. His Grandpa was showing us pictures of him in WWII. Chris asked his Grandpa if he ever killed someone while he was there. He said, “I hope not. I was the cook”! I am not a good cook. Oh, I … More Yuk! You’re Killing Me!!!
A guy called his wife and said his boss had asked him to go on a fishing trip. He asked her to put some clothes in a suitcase together and not to forget his silk pajamas. When he returned, he told her about all of the fish he caught and wondered why she didn’t pack … More Busted!!!
On Christmas Eve, we always go out to eat at the nicest place within our price range. This year, a diner was continually bugging the waiter to adjust the air conditioning. First he was too cold, then too hot. The waiter was very patient and kept going back and forth per the customer’s request. I … More I’m Freezing!!!
Every time one of our dogs walks across the hardwood floor I get confused and think I’m watching 60 Minutes. We have what we believe are the cutest and smartest dogs on the planet, which is true despite the fact that others claim the same thing. The truth is they are lying. We really … More The Perfect Hot Dog!!!