Heather and I were playing ‘Trivial Pursuit’ with some friends when one of the other guys got the question, ‘If you’re in a vacuum and someone calls your name, could you hear it?’ He told thought it over and asked, “Is it on or off?” Knucklehead. Playing games with friends or family can be very … More Seriously?? That’s Your Answer???
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to do so. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. Some people are far too honest. You know them. Proud to … More I’m Better Than You!!!!
Last weekend, my wife and I were at the grocery store looking at turkeys. A woman, also looking for a turkey, asked an employee walking by if the turkeys got any bigger. The guy said, “Lady, they’re all dead”. I know that the Holidays are a lot of fun, hanging out with friends and family. … More Yikes!! The Holiday Season Already???
Yesterday I rode four miles on my bike. When I finished, I had no idea where I was. I talked to some startled, really nice people who gave me a ride home. Not bad for riding a stationary bike. It was like the bike Matrix. I think I need to get a TV for the … More Where Am I????
I chose a no frills airline to go home for the holidays. What a mistake! We couldn’t board the plane unless we had the exact change. Before we took off, the flight attendants told us to fasten our velcro seat belts. The Captain asked us to chip in a for gas. The Captain yelled at the … More Discount Airfare! Perfect for the Holidays!!
I can hardly wait for fall! Soon it will be all things pumpkin. Last year, I ate so much pumpkin that I went through horrible withdrawals when the season ended. It got so bad, I had to use a pumpkin patch. (insert rim shot) … More The Great Pumpkin!
Golf is a great sport, unless you die playing it. Then it’s a bummer. … More Killer Golf!
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to move away. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. … More Maniacs!
Don’t make me angry, The voices in my head don’t like it when you make me angry. … More Blood and Guts
Whenever I see hash tags, it makes me hungry for breakfast at Dennys. … More Hash Tags and Eggs!