I have so many seizures that I got a job at Home Depot mixing paint. Anyone with a chronic condition must be able to laugh about it once in a while or it will get to you. My condition causes short term memory loss. Every time we pick out a movie to watch, I pick … More I Got The Job!!!!
I’m certain I’m being followed. Every time I turn around I see someone in the shadows. I called the cops, but they refused to even check it out. Hey, just because they’re my dogs doesn’t mean it doesn’t freak me out. Don’t get me wrong, I love our dogs. It’s just that I can’t begin … More They’re Tracking Me!!!!!
“Open wider,” said my dentist, then he said “Good grief! You’ve got the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen… the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen.” I said “Hey! I’m scared enough without you repeating that.” “I didn’t!”, he said. “It was the echo.” I really need to see my dentist again. My checkup is long overdue. … More Yikes! Stop Saying That!!!
A Union President was ready to tell his son a bedtime story. He said, “Once upon a time and a half…” I know people who are ‘die hard’ (I’m not sure what Bruce Willis has to do with it) union people. They wouldn’t think of going without the safety net of a union. At the … More I Need Union Representation!!!
My son is the pastor of a church in Mississippi. A visitor approached him and asked my son to pray for his hearing. After prayer, my son asked him if his hearing was better. “I don’t know”, the guy said, “The hearing is on Tuesday.” Slight miscommunication there, eh? Certainly not on the part of … More How Is That Supposed To Help Me???
The shortest sentence in the English language, I think, is “I am”. The longest sentence? “I do.” Ok, before anyone goes completely nuts on me, I love my wife of 20 years very much. It’s just that as a comedian and comedy writer, there are certain things I just think of and feel the need … More I’ve Been Sentenced!!!!
I hope Heather gets amnesia at some point because after 20 years, I’ve run out of stories and funny things to share with her. She just gives me the eyes glazed over look. The other problem is that this is my fourth marriage and she doesn’t really want to hear about funny things that may … More You’re So Funny!!!