Last￼ night a trick-or-treater came to our door and I swear she was about 72 1/2 years old. I was mad. “Trick-or-treating is for kids, lady”, I said. I really ripped her a new one. she began to cry. Just then a much younger woman came running to the door, saying “You jerk, she’s only … More Who Are You???
Tonight I will dress like an Internal Revenue Agent. As the door bell rings I’ll tell the kids who I am and then take 40% of their candy. They have to learn sometime, right? Halloween is crazy. Our kids are taught all year long not to take candy from strangers, except for Halloween when they’re … More Ding Dong!! Twick O Tweet!!
This Halloween some kids rang the doorbell and as I was passing out candy I asked each one what they were dressed as. One boy was in a nice suit and said, “I’m an IRS agent.” Then he took 40% of the candy and didn’t even say thank you. The kids is a natural. Halloween … More Wait A Minute!! Get Back Here!!!
Happy Halloween! Tonight I’ll wear a shirt that says “Life” on it and hand out lemons. Halloween is the favorite holiday for so many. Maybe I’m just missing something, because I don’t get it. I never have. Even as a kid I really never got in to the whole costume thing. Just give me some … More Spooky Halloween!!!!
I’ve often said that it is better to give than to receive and I know that’s what God wants but I’m weak. I never meant it. I want stuff! Gimme gimme gimme stuff! Ahem, I feel better now. As you were. I’m kidding, of course, but we probably all know someone like that. I know … More I Want Stuff Now!!!
We saved a TON of money last night. Instead of candy, we handed out all of the Taco Bell hot sauce packets we had in our junk drawer. Halloween is the holiday season kickoff. I love the holidays. I always have. Sure, there were times when I was lonely with no where to go, but … More Flaming Hot Halloween!!
Tonight, I’m going to wear a t-shirt that has the word “Life” on it, and hand out lemons. So many people love to dress up for Halloween. I’m not one of them. The only costumes I used to wear were the result of being in a play. Last year, my wife went to work … More Best Halloween Costume Ever!!!
Note to the whole world: if you ever see anything that even resembles a dinosaur egg, destroy it! Note to self: never watch a scary movie again. Note to Steven Spielberg: thanks for the seizure. Obviously we watched Jurrasic World last night which was pretty good if you enjoy watching people being eaten and … More Dinosaurs In My Head!!
I can hardly wait for fall! Soon it will be all things pumpkin. Last year, I ate so much pumpkin that I went through horrible withdrawals when the season ended. It got so bad, I had to use a pumpkin patch. (insert rim shot) … More The Great Pumpkin!
Halloween costumes are no big deal. Elton John, Lady Gaga, half of the rap thugs, Joan Rivers, etc.; wear them all the time. The Zombies creep me out. They don’t just put on the costumes, they act it out with body motions too, although I’m not sure where they get their model, because I seriously … More Halloween