One of my grand children was looking at a magazine and said to me, “Look grandpa, it’s a frikin’ elephant.￼￼” Stunned, I asked him what he said. He said it again, “It’s a frikin’ elephant!” I was about to scold him when I took a good look at the magazine article and sure enough he … More A frikin’ elephant!!!
I really like asparagus. I also like cauliflower and broccoli. This is how I know that I’m no longer a kid. Plus, some little people back east keep calling me ‘Papa’. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but I’m pretty sure old guys are called that. What’s next, a hankering for liver and onions? … More Did You Just Call Me Papa???
There is only one thing in my life that I’m sure of, and that is the love of my wife. Oh, and God. Um, my kids and grandkids love me too. Plus I have to pay taxes. And my dogs love me too. Ok, there seem to be lots of things I’m sure of. Life … More It’s A Sure Thing!!!
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to do so. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. Some people are far too honest. You know them. Proud to … More I’m Better Than You!!!!
On Easter this year Heather and I were reminiscing about years past when we colored and hid eggs around the yard for the kids. Then she said, “Don’t worry, Jerry. We can hide our pills this year instead.” I remember my Mom and Dad taking lots of meds and vitamins at night as they were … More I Refuse To Take Them!!!
The last time we were visiting kids and grandkids, I called a hotel and asked how much they charged for a room. The clerk said the rates depended on room size and number of people. I asked him if they took children. He said, “No, sir… nor checks!” I laughed out loud because he caught … More Give Them Back Now!!!
I’ve often said that it is better to give than to receive and I know that’s what God wants but I’m weak. I never meant it. I want stuff! Gimme gimme gimme stuff! Ahem, I feel better now. As you were. I’m kidding, of course, but we probably all know someone like that. I know … More I Want Stuff Now!!!
Now that our kids are grown and two of them have children, I like to mess with them from time to time. I never tell them what we’re sending the kids on their birthdays and I sometimes can’t resist the urge to buy them something loud and obnoxious. Justice. Heh, heh, heh. When two of … More I’m Going Nuts!!!
I went to see my therapist because I had been having dreams that I was a dog. She told me to lie down on the couch and talk about it. I told her no because I wasn’t allowed on furniture. Dogs who live in a loving home have it made. They can play, sleep 18 … More Get Off The Couch!!
Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children. Let’s face it. Kids, no matter how much we love them, can be more than a challenge, especially as they grow into the teenage years. The thought of throttling them must be squelched, no matter how strong. All it takes is to remember … More Here’s Your Reward!!