I feel completely responsible for the plague. Yes the black plague. Now that we know what time travel is possible after so many movies have proved it, I could’ve gone back in time and killed the source of the plague just as it was beginning. Curse you Doc Brown! Wait a minute! There’s still time! … More Avoid It Like The Plague!!!
I’ve mentioned that I’m very bad at golf. Once, I really sliced a tee off. The ball sailed into a farmers property, into the chicken coop. He was angry, so I went through the trees to talk to him. He said, “You killed my best hen!!” I said,”I’m so sorry! Can I replace her?” He … More You Can’t Have My Kid!!!
I used to golf with my friend Jake. Heather recently asked me why I don’t play golf with him anymore. I said, “Would you play golf with a guy who moved the ball with his foot when you weren’t watching?” She said, “Of course not.” I said, “Well Jake won’t either.” I used to love … More What??? I Don’t Cheat!!!
I’m a terrible golfer. The last time I went, a shot landed in the deep rough, in the trees. I used my seven iron to attempt to get out. Then I saw a skeleton with a seven iron by his side. I know! I was startled and immediately got my nine iron. Clearly I wouldn’t … More What A Hack!!!
Hurricanes are what the Weather Channel folks live for! They were so excited but as the storm weakened they said, “Ok, but it is still very dangerous!” My interpretation? “Please keep watching! Don’t turn the channel!! No one watches us! Please!!” I’m convinced that the Weather Channel staff were very concerned about the impact that … More Please Watch Me!! Please!!
Golf is a great sport unless you die playing it. Then it’s kind of a bummer. First, let me tell you that I’ve had some very crazy friends. Shocking, I know. They nearly killed me three times on golf outings. Give any crazy guy a golf cart, and you’re just asking for trouble. Add a … More Golf is Dangerous!!!
Yesterday, I threw my back out, so I’m laying here on the couch, taking ibuprofen and finding some comfort with ice packs. Meanwhile, I have neighborhood kids looking through trash to try to find the stupid thing. I have no idea where that phrase came from, but I’ve heard it all of my life. Perhaps … More Help! I Threw My Back Out!!
Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women. This is because women are smart enough to avoid golf during a storm. I’ve never been hit by lightning, which I don’t think is anything to brag about really. I either stay inside or sit out on the covered porch to watch … More Ouch! That Hurt!!!
An expectant mother and her husband were at a birthing class. The instructor told the couples how important exercise is for pregnant women. She also said that the men could benefit by walking with her. A man asked the instructor, “Is it OK if she carries my golf clubs while we walk?” We all know … More I Want a Divorce!!
I used to try to golf with some friends every Friday afternoon”. One day I was really frustrated after leaving so many divots (for my friends who don’t golf, it’s digging up the grass and dirt with your club as you swing). I said, “I would move Heaven and Earh just to have a decent … More Replace Your Divot!!!