On Easter this year Heather and I were reminiscing about years past when we colored and hid eggs around the yard for the kids. Then she said, “Don’t worry, Jerry. We can hide our pills this year instead.” I remember my Mom and Dad taking lots of meds and vitamins at night as they were … More I Refuse To Take Them!!!
I got carded last night! What a great compliment at my age. Ok, technically it was a traffic stop but it was a female cop and I'm pretty sure she was into me. She even asked me for my autograph at the bottom of her little scrapbook. She even introduced me to her dog. Yep, … More The Fountain of Youth!!!!
Tomorrow, I’ll be 61 years old. There are 3 things that indicate I’m getting older: 1. loss of memory 2. I’ve heard it said that getting older is not for wusses. I used to firmly believe it. I still believe it, but nothing about me is firm anymore. A lot of people kind of give … More I Can’t Remember!!!!
When a young person goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I’ve got this pain in my side”, the doctor gives him a prescription. When I do the exact same thing, the doctor says, “Oooh, that’s gotta come out.” I’m not a hypochondriac, I’ve just had a lot of things go haywire in the last … More 60 Is The New 80!!!!
People are living longer as time passes. This is not a good thing. The problem is that the maladys that plague the elderly haven’t moved. So, we can count on 10 extra years of soft food, diapers and not being able to hold a conversation because we can’t remember a thing. … More I Hope I Croak Before 90!!!
I know I’m getting old. Yesterday, I tried to straighten the wrinkles in my socks, only to find I wasn’t wearing any. … More I’m Getting Old!
My best friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I hit him in the nose with a whole cantaloupe. I think I need a new friend. … More Friends!
In a church bulletin: Weight Watchers meeting at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance. … More Crazy Stuff!
The happiest man on earth has to be the son of the $590,000,000 lottery winner in Florida last year. The least happy? The nice lady who let her go ahead of her in line. … More I Am Rich!
I avoid the word “hello” completely. It is almost always the last word spoken by murder victims on TV and the movies. If I were ever in that situation, I think I would say, “Hey, Jason, we finally found this guy. Let’s kill him!” … More Hello?