A car full of nuns ran out of gas. They walked to a gas station but the clerk told them that all he had for them to carry the gasoline was an old bed pan. As they were putting the gas in the car, a man pulled up and said, “Sisters, I wish I had … More Two Nuns Walk In To A Gas Station….
Today is national siblings day. I don’t get it. I don’t know anyone who gets along with all of their siblings. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of my siblings today, but who knows about tomorrow? It should be, ‘Happy siblings you’re currently talking to today!’ My family dynamic is much the same as … More Happy Trivial Fight (Siblings) Day!!!
If by crunches you mean the sound that bacon makes when you eat it, then yes, I do tons of crunches! I think the ‘experts should get their act straight. I’ve heard that every piece of bacon you eat subtracts seven minutes of your life. I don’t believe it! If it were accurate, I should … More I Love Doing Crunches!!!
My friend’s wife threatened to leave him again yesterday. She’s threatened to quit more times than Brett Favre. Soon the threats sound empty and meaningless. It’s becomes like the old joke, “How can I miss you when you won’t go away.” Empty threats are useless, especially when you are called out on them right away … More You’re Leaving Me?? How Dare You!!!
My 10 year old grandson, Boaz, told my son, Eric, that he wanted a cell phone. Eric asked him why. Boaz said he wanted to be able to take pictures. Eric said, “I’ll get you a camera instead.” Boaz asked,”What’s a camera?” Yikes! We don’t think of those things until they happen. This younger generation … More Say Cheese!!!
I asked my friend Jake, who is an avid diver, why the divers always fall backwards into the water. He said, “Dummy, if they fell forward they’d still be in the boat.” Um, oh yeah. I should have figured that one out myself. The problem is, I still don’t know the real answer. When you … More Don’t Fall Forward!!!!
I went to the credit union where Heather works and told the teller I wanted to open a joint account. “No problem”, she said. “Heather will be on the account?” I said, “Oh no. Pick anyone who has a lot of money.” At least I thought it was funny. Wouldn’t that be cool? Just join … More Anyone??? Are You Kidding Me???
I saw a sign that read ‘Signal ahead”. I told Heather to stop the car about 10’ ahead and began frantically waving down cars. I fired a flare gun. The fire department came and quickly doused the fire started from the gun. I even got a citation! Sweet! I don’t think we can take chances … More Hey!! Watch Out!!!
Last night Heather said, “I think we’re a good couple.” I told her that I do too, then asked her what prompted to say that. “She said, I was thinking about stabbing you a couple of days ago but decided not to.” Yikes! Is this what it’s come down to? They should just go ahead … More I Love You For So Much For Allowing Me To Live!!
A valuable lesson last night. Wait to perform assigned duties. If you make the mistake of doing something without being told, looking for ‘What a great husband’ points, DON’T! It’s a trap! Not only will she ignore it, she’ll just give you another assignment! I don’t know what, why or how the female mind works. … More Get Me Out Of Here!!!!