I saw a sign that read “Watch for falling rock.” This is a stupid sign because the only way you’re going to know that rocks are falling is when they hit your car and I’m pretty sure you’re going to be aware of it when that happens. I think that instead, the sign should read … More Watch For Falling Rock!!!
True story: a Florida man was arrested for eating pancakes in the middle of an intersection. When police asked him why, he said, “Because they don’t serve waffles.” This guy actually set up a cardboard table and sat down for breakfast. Not unusual. Except it was in the middle of a busy Florida intersection. Typically … More Syrup and Asphalt???
Yesterday, I jumped in a cab and said, “Follow that car! I’m a Federal Agent!” It was a pleasant night in jail, and I can cross it off my bucket list. All of this nonsense every year about the world ending did get me thinking about whether I need a bucket list. I came … More The End Of The World!!
I went kayaking in Florida once and capsized the stupid thing. I decided to swim back to shore, but I was afraid of alligators. I saw a guy in a boat and asked him if they’d had problems with gators here. “Gators? Nope, they’ve been gone for years.” I felt instantly relieved. Then the guy said, “The sharks got ’em.” … More Gatorade!!
The happiest man on earth has to be the son of the $590,000,000 lottery winner in Florida last year. The least happy? The nice lady who let her go ahead of her in line. … More I Am Rich!