To Be Honest…

I love it when someone is being interrogated by the police and 3/4 of the way into the interview the officer asks a question and the person says, “honestly?” That just doesn’t look good. It means that everything you’ve said up until then may have been a lie. Not smart. Instead, maybe you could say, … More To Be Honest…

Oy!! What A Day!!

I was cleaning the garage yesterday. Suddenly, the Christmas tree box fell on me. I threw it off and it knocked over the metal gas can, which caused a spark, ignited the gas and torched the garage and Heather’s car. I am now in the witness protection program. Have you ever had a chain of … More Oy!! What A Day!!

You Killed Him!!!

My neighbor was practicing on her piano. I called 911. The dispatcher asked what my emergency was and I told her there was a body next door. She asked if I was sure and I said, “Yes! It’s Mozart! I’m pretty sure my neighbor is butchering him!” Well I thought it was funny. I got … More You Killed Him!!!

Fire!!!

I was cooking dinner and the smoke alarm went off. I went to find my kids and they were washing their hands. I said, “Didn’t you hear that noise?” My daughter said, “Yes. It was the smoke detector. It means dinner is ready.” Well what should I expect from a comedian’s kids? All of my … More Fire!!!