I think I would rather be a baseball bat than a piñata, because the piñata gets hit pretty hard. When my kids were little, I only bought one piñata for their birthday parties. I don’t mean one for each party, I mean only one ever. Each time a blindfolded kid took a whack at it, … More Stop The Beatings!!!
I asked Siri to play some music I would like. Suddenly Alexa said, “I can do that”, and it was on. A huge fight! A smart phone vs a remote. I tried to break it up but wound up with a nasty rectangular bruise on my forehead, a broken phone and remote. It’s the worst … More Ladies! Stop Hitting Each Other!!!
A kid got a part in a school play and was very anxious to tell his parents. He said, I got a part in the play!! I play a man who has been married for 30 years!” His Dad said, “That’s great, son. Don’t quit acting. Maybe next time you’ll get a speaking part.” Great … More I Love Mimes!!!
When I went to court to get a divorce, the judge asked me what the problem was. I said, “Your honor, in our seven months together we haven’t agreed on one single thing”. The judge asked my wife the same question. She said, “It’s been eight months”. If you’ve ever lived with someone who you … More Contempt of Court!!
I don’t care who you are, no one looks cool putting on deodorant. Since we don’t want to get the nasty white deodorant lines on our shirts and blouses, we put the deodorant on after the clothing. There is just no technique known to mankind that can make you look cool during application. I think … More I Stink!!
One day, Joanne went in to wake up Jimmy to get ready for school. Jimmy said he wasn’t going today. She said, “Give me two reasons why you shouldn’t go to school”. He said, “The kids all hate me and so do the teachers”. Joanne said, “Those are not good reasons to stay home from … More You Can’t Make Me Go!!
My son told me that his teacher said he was stupid. The teacher held out a yard stick, put it on my son and said,”at the end of this stick is an idiot”. I set up a meeting. All I said was, “So you pointed a yard stick at my son and said,”At the end … More Stupid is as Stupid Does!!
I always wanted to be a boxer. I tried but I had to quit. The referees kept stepping on my hands. … More Mayweather Might Not Like May!!
I think if I lived in California, and an earthquake hit, I would punch someone. It would take your mind off of the quake and then you can just say you lost your balance. … More Oh my God, its a Trembler!!
Please help me fight breast cancer. Cancer has touched us all in one way or another. It is obviously a horrible monster that must be erradicated. I will do my part. … More A Funny Way to Fight Breast Cancer!