Last night I got the worst night sleep ever. Why? Because my CPAP machine attempted to kill me. I know! But it really did happen. I had acid reflux and woke up choking and breathing through that stupid thing and had to get up take three cough drops and a few scoops of peanut butter … More The Thing Tried To Kill Me!!!
I was talking to a friend this past week. My friend ran to his dad and told him the car wouldn’t start. “What’s wrong with it, son”? Said his dad. My friend said that there was water in the carburetor. he said,”You don’t even know what a carburetor is!”. “I know, but I’m pretty sure … More Because I Said So!!!
When my wife was pregnant with our daughter, Sarah, she wanted the birth to take place in a warm tranquil environment with soft music, soft lighting and a hot tub. We looked at the place and I asked, “Uh, isn’t this what got us into this in the first place?” That really did happen. She … More Not Again!!!
My son has recently been learning some card tricks and he’s really good! One of them was particularly great. I asked him how he did it. He said, “Dad, I could tell you but then I’d have to make you disappear.” I said, “In that case, can you show it to my mother in law?” … More Where In The Heck Did She Go???
My 10 year old grandson, Boaz, told my son, Eric, that he wanted a cell phone. Eric asked him why. Boaz said he wanted to be able to take pictures. Eric said, “I’ll get you a camera instead.” Boaz asked,”What’s a camera?” Yikes! We don’t think of those things until they happen. This younger generation … More Say Cheese!!!
I asked Siri to play some music I would like. Suddenly Alexa said, “I can do that”, and it was on. A huge fight! A smart phone vs a remote. I tried to break it up but wound up with a nasty rectangular bruise on my forehead, a broken phone and remote. It’s the worst … More Ladies! Stop Hitting Each Other!!!
When my wife was in labor, they had a magician go around to try to distract the Moms. I asked him how he did a card trick. He said “I could tell you but I’d have to kidnap you, never to be seen again. I said, “Actually, my mother-in-law demands to know!” As I sit … More What Is It Already???
My Granddaughter Katie was getting her hair styled for Easter. The stylist said, “So who’s coming to your house with big ears and big floppy feet?” Katie said, “It must be my Grandpa Jerry.” I think I mentioned before that I really never liked Easter when I was a kid. The smell of vinegar while … More How Dare You!!!
I remember when Dick Chaney went hunting with a friend…. His friend collapsed, so Chaney called 911 and said he thought his friend was dead. The operator said, “First, let’s make sure he’s dead”. There’s a silence, then a shot. Chaney got back on the phone and said, “Okay, now what”? I think there … More Inauguration Day!! Keep Dick Chaney Away!!
My friend Val was going to be married. His fiancée’s father decided to talk to him. “So,” said the father, “you want to be my son-in-law”? Val said, “Not really, but if I want to marry your daughter I really don’t have a choice”. Really great first impression. As a comedian, I love saying things … More I Thought It Was Funny!!!