I hate falling down the stairs. I guess I’m supposed to dislike that￼. ￼What would it mean if I really liked it? it’s not so much the falling that hurts so bad, it’s mainly when you hit the floor at the bottom of the stairs. So I think from now on I’m going to fall … More Look Out Below!!!
I’ve heard so many people use the phrase, “I greased the wheels a little bit.” So they are referring to giving somebody some money for special treatment￼￼. I think this is stupid. They say the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so I think that means you should just make tons of noise and be obnoxious … More Grease Those Wheels!!!
I think the only thing aside from my wife I absolutely could not live without is my cell phone. ￼ I think many people are that way. For example, last week I couldn’t find it so I had to take drastic action. I stole my neighbors phone. Now he’ll probably pay it forward and steal … More I Can’t Find My Phones!!!
Last Saturday I put a walkie-talkie in my mailbox and waited for the mail delivery person. As soon as he started to open the door to the mailbox, I yelled very loudly “hang on a second, I’m still getting dressed. “￼ I don’t ￼think I’m going to be getting very much mail any more. ￼￼ … More Someone Took My Mail!!!
I hate my middle name. Despise it, absolutely repulsed by it. Why? Because my parents gave me the middle name of Eldon. You read correctly, Eldon! Seriously? With all of the name choices available, that’s the best they could come up with? I would have preferred something better, like Bernard. Naming the kid should never … More You Named Me What???
If you’ve watched dateline where they investigate a small town murder, you always hear people say “we don’t even lock our doors.”, Here’s a hint. Lock your doors. I mean right now, go and lock your doors. It just seems crazy to me that, time after time, you hear people say “nothing like this happens … More Lock The Doors!!!
I love the new American Express commercial where a young woman gets the card and goes nuts, buying everything she wants. They don’t tell you that you have to pay it back and she’ll be homeless when it comes time to pay the rent. ￼￼ Most of us have done it especially when it is … More What Are You, Nuts? I Can’t Pay It Back!!!!
Football, schmootball. I think I would much rather binge watch 24 then waste my time watching my favorite teams get crushed. At least in 24 I know who’s going to win. No surprises except for those things I have forgotten. And there are certain things (almost the entire show) that I didn’t remember about the … More Only 24 Hours!!!
My number one goal is to be the first man ever to walk on the sun. I’m serious, if NASA ever puts together that kind of a journey, I’m in! Yeah, I know it’s hot but it can’t be harder than Tucson Arizona in July. Besides, at my age I really enjoy the heat more … More I’m Walking On The Sun!!!
I love it when someone is being interrogated by the police and 3/4 of the way into the interview the officer asks a question and the person says, “honestly?” That just doesn’t look good. It means that everything you’ve said up until then may have been a lie. Not smart. Instead, maybe you could say, … More To Be Honest…