I was feeling philosophical once and I took a glass out of the liquor cabinet and filled it half full of scotch. I asked my parents if it was half full or half empty. My Dad said, it depends on whether you’re drinking or pouring. He downed the scotch and left the room. Well played, … More It’s Half Full!! Wait! Half Empty!! Oh, I Don’t Know!!!
I love to mess with people. I went into a book store once and told an employee that I was looking for a book about turtles. He asked, “Hardback?” I said, “Please. And also with a little head, legs and a tail.” I thought it was funny. He was not amused. My odd sense of … More Turtles On The Half Shell!!!
My friend, his daughter Beth and I were at the mall and ran into another friend of mine. After introductions, he said to my friend, “And what is Beth short for?” Her father said,”Because she’s only 4, you idiot” I find it interesting the way we shorten names and other words. For example, you’ll never … More I’m Not That Short!!!
I was in a bank. A boy was holding a can full of change. He put a nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. He couldn’t breathe. A man stepped up and did a heimlich maneuver on the boy. His Mom asked, “Sir are you a doctor?” He said, “Nope, IRS agent.” He put the … More That’s My Nickel!!!
I was at a coffee shop recently and asked an employee what the wifi password was. She said “You have to buy a drink first.” I said, “OK, I’ll take a pumpkin spice latte.” After I paid for the drink I asked “Now what is the password?” She said “It’s ‘You have to buy a … More I Can’t Remember The Password!!
The sun is white. It only appears orange because of the earth’s atmosphere. The same is true for Donald Trump’s hair. I really miss David Letterman, especially when he would refer to Donald Trump’s hair as “That thing on Donald Trump’s head”. The line cracked me up every single time I heard it. Even writing … More Ahhhh!! My Hair Is On Fire!!!
Heather and I watched ‘The Hunger Games’ last night. I thought Jeff Probst did a fine job hosting. Great movie series, those hunger games. I can’t help but think they are a spin off from ‘Survivor’. On the TV version, the contestants must make alliances in order to survive and advance in the game. Same … More Let The Hunger Games Begin!