On Saturday, I got a call from someone claiming to be a clerk at our police station saying I had a parking ticket that was old and now I had a warrant. It was April Fools Day, so I said, “Really? Your Mama has a warrant out for being ugly.” The jail cell wasn’t too … More I’m A Fool!!
Two men in their 60’s were sitting next to each other on a Florida beach. One guy asks the other, “So, just visiting?” The other man replied, “No, I’m retired. I had a business and it burned down.” The second man said, “Same with me, only mine was a flood.” Perplexed, the other man asks, … More Turn Off the Water!!!
A woman was meeting with her insurance agent. “Do you know the present value of your husband’s policy?” The woman asked,”What do you mean?” “Well, if you should lose your husband, what would you get”? “The woman thought for a minute and said, “Probably a poodle”. We have two toy schnauzers. A couple of years … More Seriously? Health Insurance For My Dogs???
I went to see my therapist because I had been having dreams that I was a dog. She told me to lie down on the couch and talk about it. I told her no because I wasn’t allowed on furniture. Dogs who live in a loving home have it made. They can play, sleep 18 … More Get Off The Couch!!
Who is smarter, you or your dog? A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works… If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is the smarter one. Most dogs are very smart. Most can learn tricks and some of them are quite … More I’m Not Stupid!!
Yesterday, I went to get a shiatsu massage, but I accidentally asked for a shitzu massage. The guy punched me in the face for a half hour. Mission accomplished. Dogs are wonderful. They are loyal, loving, playful (most of the time) and are just fun to be around. We have two dogs. Maggie, named … More I’m still recovering from my massage!!
My dogs have no manners. They eat like animals! I love having dogs as pets. Some people say, “I’m a dog lover”, which sounds gross to me. There are laws against cooking dogs. If your thoughts went a different direction, shame on you . They really have become an integral part of the … More They Eat Like Animals!!
You never have to buy a cat. You pick up a stray or get them from someone giving kittens away. I’ve never seen a cat being bought out of a pet store. They just sit in the pet store. They’re like, ‘Meow,’ and your like, ‘Oh they’re so cute. Let’s go find one like that.’ … More Who Owns That Cat???
My wife and I love dogs. I like dogs. And brats. I love brats and ice cold beer. … More The Ten Thousand Dollar Dog!!!
A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The panda eats it, shoots the waiter, and walks out. The owner yells for him to stop. “You order food, kill my waiter, then leave without paying!” The bear says, “Hey! I’m a Panda. Look it up!” The owner Googles “panda bear” and read “Panda: a bear-like marsupial who eats shoots and leaves.” … More Panda Express!!