I saw my therapist a few days ago. She scolded me for missing my last two appointments because my condition is serious. I said, “I know, but I was just doing what you told me.” She said, “I haven’t told you to skip appointments!” I said,”No, but you told me to avoid people who irritate … More You Make Me Crazy!!!
Yesterday I found a $20 bill in the parking lot at my doctor’s office. I took it inside and gave it to the person behind the desk. When I saw the doctor, he told me I have scruples. I knew it! probably got it from handling the money. I wonder how many people are turning … More Noooooooo!! I Have What????
Last week I told Heather I needed to go to the doctor’s office. She asked, “Which doctor?” I said “No, just our family doctor.” I’m not sure what a witch doctor does. Do they only treat witches? Do witches even have health insurance? Glinda Care? I don’t think they make enough cash to pay for … More I Need To See A Witch Doctor!!
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Therefore applesauce everyday should keep all drunk doctors away. Typically, you wouldn’t think a physician would come to work after a bender but the odds are some of them do and I think they’re all mine. I know! It took a host of the best doctors in … More You’re Drunk!!!
I went to see my doctor because I had a sore throat. He asked what was wrong but I could barely talk. He demanded that I speak louder. I said, “I’m sorry, I’m a little hoarse.” He said, “Sorry to be the one to break it to you but the resemblance doesn’t stop there.” The … More You’re A Jerk!!!
A couple of days ago we killed a black widow spider on our front porch. I hate black widows. Does that mean I'm racist? I know some people are offended when you kill anything but under certain circumstances I would call them out. For example, if a rattlesnake "looked" like it was going to strike … More Am I a Racist???
I had a doctor appointment and just before leaving, I remembered the old phrase “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” So I brought an apple. He was just about to give me an injection when I beaned him like a hard throwing MLB pitcher. He dropped like a rock and it must be … More I Think I Killed My Doctor!!!
United we stand, unless you refuse to give up the seat you paid for. Then we’ll bloody you up and drag you from the plane. Obviously we’re probably all aware by now of the horrible occurrence on the United airlines flight out of Chicago. United’s CEO, Oscar Munoz is now sending out all sorts of … More Unbelievable!!!!
My wife told our doctor I was snoring. Here said “There’s sugery that will help. It’s $1000 down, and then payments of $450 for 24 months”. “Wow!” My wife said, “sounds like leasing a new sports car!” “Hmmm,” the doctor said, “too obvious, huh?” I ended up with a CPAP machine, which is an acronym … More I Can’t Sleep!!!
At a party, everyone kept bugging a doctor to get his opinion about their symptoms. He asked a consultant friend, “How do you handle people who want advice outside of the office?” “Simple,” said his friend, “I send them a bill. That stops it.” A few days later the doctor got a bill from the … More You Can’t Do That!!!