I think I’ll run for president in 2020. I’m just as qualified as any of the front runners in any party. I made $1.2B last year and got a tax refund, been married 4 times. I’ve sent thousands of emails from my private server and I have an uncle who lives in Moscow, Idaho. I’m … More Here’s Your Stupid Taxes!!!
My friend Steve really needed a new laptop for college but he also wanted to ‘pop the question’ to his girlfriend. He took her to dinner and surprised her on one knee with a beautiful engagement ring. Then he asked, “Megan, will you do me the honor of buying me a new laptop?” I don’t … More No! I Won’t Marry You!!!
I should have known my first marriage was over when I opened a Christmas present from my wife and it was luggage. Marriages are very difficult to navigate for long periods of time. I’ve gotten better at it, but navigation through the unknown is risky, at best. Just ask the skipper of the Titanic. … More I Keep A Minister And A Divorce Attorney On Retainer!!!
A former mother in law, as her daughter was leaving, told me that she ‘broke her back’ and ‘worked her fingers to the bone’ trying to make a home for me and my children. Saying that I was unaware because each of those would have required immediate medical attention was apparently the wrong approach. You … More Ouch!!!! That Had To Be Excruciating!!!
This morning I covered my ear with my coffee cup and could hear the ocean! I know! It was awesome until the pain from really hot coffee filled my ear. That hurt! Live and learn. Some things a person should be able to think things through on their own. You know, like taking a lear … More Don’t Drink Coffee Near The Ocean!!!!
Since I set my GPS to a female voice, every time someone insults her intelligence, I am deeply offended and become incredibly defensive. I even punched a friend in the face because he wouldn’t stop. On Friday night, Heather and I attended our first Major League Soccer match. Neither of us remembered exactly how to … More My GPS Is An Idiot And A Genius!!!!
A friend was having marriage problems. He came home to find his luggage packed on the porch. His wife came out and said, “Go away! I hope you die a slow and agonizing death!” He said, “I’m confused. So now you want me to stay?” Divorces are a messy business. Very seldom does a couple … More Get Out And Stay Out!!!