A former mother in law, as her daughter was leaving, told me that she ‘broke her back’ and ‘worked her fingers to the bone’ trying to make a home for me and my children. Saying that I was unaware because each of those would have required immediate medical attention was apparently the wrong approach. You … More Ouch!!!! That Had To Be Excruciating!!!
This morning I covered my ear with my coffee cup and could hear the ocean! I know! It was awesome until the pain from really hot coffee filled my ear. That hurt! Live and learn. Some things a person should be able to think things through on their own. You know, like taking a lear … More Don’t Drink Coffee Near The Ocean!!!!
Since I set my GPS to a female voice, every time someone insults her intelligence, I am deeply offended and become incredibly defensive. I even punched a friend in the face because he wouldn’t stop. On Friday night, Heather and I attended our first Major League Soccer match. Neither of us remembered exactly how to … More My GPS Is An Idiot And A Genius!!!!
A friend was having marriage problems. He came home to find his luggage packed on the porch. His wife came out and said, “Go away! I hope you die a slow and agonizing death!” He said, “I’m confused. So now you want me to stay?” Divorces are a messy business. Very seldom does a couple … More Get Out And Stay Out!!!
An elderly couple were out for a Sunday drive. The woman said, “Look at us. We used to sit right next to each other all of the time. Now you’re way over there and I’m way over here. What happened?” The man said, “I don’t know, I didn’t move.” I haven’t thought about that joke … More I’m Still Here!!!
A woman went to the police station to report her husband missing. She said she tried calling and texting but got no answer. She gave them his picture. The officer said he’s sure they’ll find him. She said, “Great! When you do, please tell him that my mother didn’t come after all.” I think most … More Where Is He?????
Heather’s birthday is coming up soon. Last year I asked her what she wanted. She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a Cuisinart!” So I got her nothing. Bad move. Taking what people say literally can be very dangerous. Especially your wife and/or mother in law. Each have a tendency to be pretty sarcastic … More I’m Such An Idiot!!!