When I was a kid I told a cop that I had run away from home and now I can’t find my parents. Can you help me? I’d love to, said the cop but there’s just too many places for them to hide. ￼￼ ~Rodney Dangerfield I only ran away from home one time. We … More I’m out of here!!!
My landlord is so cool! I told him we needed a peep hole in the front door. He really didn’t want a hole in the door, so he bought a ring bell so I can see everyone who comes to the door before I open it. Now when the cops come for me, I can … More Knock Knock!! I Know Who You Are!!
I’m certain I’m being followed. Every time I turn around I see someone in the shadows. I called the cops, but they refused to even check it out. Hey, just because they’re my dogs doesn’t mean it doesn’t freak me out. Don’t get me wrong, I love our dogs. It’s just that I can’t begin … More They’re Tracking Me!!!!!
I woke up this morning and the back door was open. My Apple Watch and Mac Book aren’t here. Neither is my drone. I know! I remember checking all of the doors before bed and… Wait, I was distracted by something shiny and I never owned any of those items. Bad dream. As you were. … More Home Invasion!!!
When I was a teenager I was begging my dad for a car. He said, “You have two legs. What do you think they’re for?” I said, “One for the break and gas and the other for the clutch.” Didn’t get the car. When I finally got a car I was a maniac. I broke … More Hit The Breaks!!!!
I don’t understand the big deal about sharing classified documents. Our local newspaper has been publishing classified information for decades. Lately there have been a rash (strange use of the word, yeah?) of thieves calling to meet up with and buy the merchandise someone has advertised and then robbing them at gunpoint when they arrive. … More That’s Classified!!! Don’t Read It!!!
A few years ago, my wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told her all I wanted was an XBOX. Nothing else. When I opened my gift, it was a beautifully hand crafted wooden box with mementos from our first date. it worked out. I got her an XBOX. In the Christmas movie … More I Don’t Want That!!
Last year, my wife woke up on her birthday and excitedly told me that she had a dream that I gave her a diamond necklace! She asked what the dream meant, so I gave her a book on how to interpret dreams. Bad move. There are four different family groups: A nuclear family is made … More We’re Family!!
When I get my drivers license renewed, I always try to look really angry when they snap the picture. It will look a lot more like me when the cop pulls me over. Getting pulled over by the police is just about the worst feeling outside of something catastrophic. Life is good, you’re cruising down … More Growl at the Camera…
I was pulled over yesterday, and I really did learn a valuable lesson. When the officer says “You were going fast”, it’s not good to say “Yeah? Well your Mom is fast.” … More Cops