At a store last week the cashier was having a bad day. The register ran out of receipt tape and then she dropped a roll of quarters. My order was $22 even and I was trying to calm her down. I said “Well that’s around figure.” She said, “Yeah, well you’re not so skinny yourself.” … More Hey, Watch It, Lady!!!!
The day you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, its amazing how many people ruin their careers at company Christmas parties. Years ago I was an executive attending our annual Christmas party. Everything was going well. Great food, great music, a very fun environment. There … More I Don’t Want This!!!
Does anyone know of a diet plan where you can eat all of the holiday leftovers so you’re not throwing out good food and at the same time lose two pounds a day? I’m uh, asking for a friend. I lost about seven pounds before Thanksgiving and gained it back. Ugh! I’m sure that happens … More It’s Here!! Today’s The Day!!!
This Halloween some kids rang the doorbell and as I was passing out candy I asked each one what they were dressed as. One boy was in a nice suit and said, “I’m an IRS agent.” Then he took 40% of the candy and didn’t even say thank you. The kids is a natural. Halloween … More Wait A Minute!! Get Back Here!!!
I’ve often said that it is better to give than to receive and I know that’s what God wants but I’m weak. I never meant it. I want stuff! Gimme gimme gimme stuff! Ahem, I feel better now. As you were. I’m kidding, of course, but we probably all know someone like that. I know … More I Want Stuff Now!!!
Heather wanted a Pebble watch this year and prefers a heavy metal band rather than the leather one that comes with the watch. My neighbor gave me an idea for a gag gift. I took her old Pebble watch and super glued a Metallica CD to the face of it. Wait for it…. I’m your … More You Idiot!!!
I spent many years in retail. We closed at 6 pm on Christmas Eve. I loved it when a man would come in about 3 pm and tell me he is just looking. I would say, “Dude! It’s Christmas Eve and all of the stores close in three hours”! His face would turn white. We … More Yikes!! What Can I Get For Her???
Most people think there are only nine Reindeer, but there are actually 10. You don’t hear much about her because she’s kind of mean. She’s mentioned in the song. “Olive, the other Reindeer, used to laugh and call him names….” I know. Silly joke but this time of year is perfect for being silly. I … More Ten Reindeer???
I think Santa Claus is better than Bigfoot. They’re both hairy, have never been seen, but Santa brings gifts and eats cookies. Bigfoot doesn’t do that. As was the scene again this year, on black Wednesday, Thursday or Friday, depending on the store, we got to see the greediness that is such a tell tale … More I Saw Bigfoot! Really! Maybe?
Attention! Only 404 shopping days until Christmas, 2017! Avoid the stress, buy now! (This is my 1,000th blog!) Since Christmas is so commercialized anyway, why not? I know some people who really start their Christmas shopping next year on December 26th this year. They like taking advantage of the after Christmas sales to get a … More The Madness Begins!