I sometimes pretend I believe in reincarnation. Please, no offense to those who do. I only use it if I’m sensing a fight is in the works. I don’t fight, so the best I can do is tell them, “You just wait! When I die, I’m coming back as Bruce Willis. Then you’ll pay!” I … More I’m Coming Back To Get You!!!
I was talking to Heather about the tariffs on Chinese products last night. When I was finished, her only response was, “Does this mean we’ll have to pay more for Chinese food?” She’s just a tad sarcastic. Ordering Chinese food for delivery is tricky business. One small mistake and you will have spent 40 bucks … More No Substitutions!!!
Note to self: Never again iron clothes while standing in a puddle of water, naked. The jolt of electricity sent me across the room, where I took out a dining room table leg and two ribs. Oh, and the hot iron made a nice impression on the floor. Plus you can see me on Dateline … More Who Knew THAT Would Happen???
I was at a coffee shop recently and asked an employee what the wifi password was. She said “You have to buy a drink first.” I said, “OK, I’ll take a pumpkin spice latte.” After I paid for the drink I asked “Now what is the password?” She said “It’s ‘You have to buy a … More I Can’t Remember The Password!!
North Korea is warning the US that we are pushing them closer to nuclear war. I think the quote was, “If you don’t stop flying your bombers over our airspace, as soon as we figure out how to launch a rocket without exploding, you’re going to be in big trouble! By the way, how do … More Dangerous Times???
Sweet and sour chicken? Really? Both? It’s not possible, China. Not possible. I love Chinese food. Let me clarify. I love America’s version of Chinese food. Same with Japanese food. My wife and I took a trip to Southern California a few years ago, and had dinner at a Japanese restaurant. It was a gorgeous … More Trouble In China!!!
Kim Jung Un, who’s name obviously makes him the offspring of Kanye and Kim, always looks hungry. Send Dennis Rodman to give him a hot dog and a soda laced with antifreeze. Done and done. In fact, he’ll probably ask for more. If anyone deserves the death penalty, it’s this jerk. He has allowed at … More North Korea? I have the Answer!!
When I was young, I came home eating a candy bar. My Mom asked me where I got it. I said “I bought it with the dollar you gave me”. She said “That dollar was for Sunday School”! I said “I know, but when I got there they let me in for free”! Where do … More He Did What???!