I was officiating a wedding and when I introduced the couple as married I heard a little girl ask her Mom, “Mommy, why did that lady switch?” Her Mom asked her what she meant. The girl said, “She came down with one man but left with another one.” Adorable. A child’s take on life can … More She Switched?!?!?!
My daughter and her husband are having difficulty keeping their boys from running into the parking lot. So they put up a gate. Steve was working on the outside of the gate and dropped a screw. “Don’t worry, Daddy”, Isaac said, “I’ll get it for you”. He crawled under the gate and got the screw. … More Kids Are Brilliant!!!
I was cooking dinner and the smoke alarm went off. I went to find my kids and they were washing their hands. I said, “Didn’t you hear that noise?” My daughter said, “Yes. It was the smoke detector. It means dinner is ready.” Well what should I expect from a comedian’s kids? All of my … More Fire!!!
When my daughter, Sarah was little and sitting in her high chair, she was twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, “Straighten her up.” I said, “Sarah, what are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up.” My wife didn’t … More Grow Up!!!
I’m old. The other day I was walking past a cemetery and three guys started chasing me with shovels! ~Rodney Dangerfield Its hard to wrap my head around the fact that I’ll be 60 years old in just a few weeks. I know, many people tell me to just embrace it. EMBRACE IT?? Are they … More 60?? Really??
I have decided I’m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, tough luck. Living in the past does a body no good. So why do so many of us do that very thing? My guess is that we are unhappy with what we have accomplished, or failures … More I’m Finally Free!!
I was reminiscing about my kids and how wonderful it would be to have them back in their early teens. I miss the companionship, the fun, the laughter. But most of all, I miss having someone to clean up the dog crap. I love my children dearly and now that they’re grown, two of … More Where Have You Gone??
Hey, did you hear the one about the child of a gay couple being a Mormon? I haven’t either, because those kids (even if they’re straight) are not allowed to be baptized until they’re 18 and denounced their parents behavior. Read it for yourself: http://kutv.com/news/local/lds-church-to-exclude-children-of-same-sex-couples-from-membership I normally don’t write about religion but I just can’t … More Don’t Honor Your Parents. You Must Hate Them!!
I think Father’s Day is sort of an afterthought. “Well, I guess we should do something for the guy. He’s been hanging around for a while…” … More Happy Father’s Day – I Guess…
People are living longer as time passes. This is not a good thing. The problem is that the maladys that plague the elderly haven’t moved. So, we can count on 10 extra years of soft food, diapers and not being able to hold a conversation because we can’t remember a thing. … More I Hope I Croak Before 90!!!