I know my current anniversary is February 7th. I never miss it. IPhone reminders are amazing! I Forgot the other three. Why do I want to remember? Because on those days I would so sit around in my boxers and an old stained t-shirt, drink beer, belch a lot and scratch myself. Sure, I’d clean … More Yikes!!! I Forgot My Anniversary!!!
Heather and I were playing ‘Trivial Pursuit’ with some friends when one of the other guys got the question, ‘If you’re in a vacuum and someone calls your name, could you hear it?’ He told thought it over and asked, “Is it on or off?” Knucklehead. Playing games with friends or family can be very … More Seriously?? That’s Your Answer???
I have some brilliant friends (opposites attract) who are very quick witted. One of them writes CliffNotes for a living. I asked him about the process and he said, “Well, to make a long story short…” Yeah, I should have known. Who was this guy ‘Cliff’? It couldn’t be Cliff from ‘Cheers’ because his stories … More You’re Way Too Short!!!
The next time you’re waiting to be seated at a very busy restaurant, try this. Take out your cell phone and pretend to be talking to someone. Very loudly say, “Get over here now! He’s with another woman!” I predict you’ll get a table quickly. I don’t know why people cheat on their significant other. … More You Cheated On Me!!!
I always tried to be funny in school. In history, I was taking a test. I had the answers on the palm of my hand. Bob Gress stood beside me and asked, “Is there something interesting on your hand?” I said “No its actually pretty boring.” The principal and I had a nice chat. I … More What??? I Flunked???
The crackdown on the release of classified information is really getting tough. Yesterday a guy in the NSA was charged with treason when he told a coworker that he needed to take a leak. I do hope that the people who have committed felonies and perhaps treason are prosecuted and sentenced appropriately. These people did … More More Leaks!!
Yesterday, a hot girl gave me her phone number without me even asking for it. Ok, I hit her car, but still… Everyone seems to have a different perspective on what constitutes cheating. There is a physical affair that we can all agree on, but there are other behaviors that people think are cheating. There’s … More I’ve Still Got It!!
Years ago, I worked in a clothing store. A woman and her son were looking at ladies jackets. The woman approached me and asked me, “If you had a girlfriend, what kind would you get”? I said,”One that is bullet proof. I’m married”! I guess she didn’t notice that my own clothing wasn’t even color … More Bullet Proof???
Note to self. If you’re hooked up with either Beyoncé or Carrie Underwood, don’t cheat!! Beyoncé has just release a new song and video called “Lemonade” shows the Queen of Pop gleefully smashing dozens of cars and other objects to smithereens with a baseball bat. She has a better batting average than Buster Bosey. We … More Stop Destroying My Car!!
I failed a test and the teacher made me take it home, have my mother sign it and return it to her. My mother asked me why I got an F. I told her it was due to absence. She said that was ridiculous because I was obviously there to flunk the test. I said, … More Cheat? Me????