I know my current anniversary is February 7th. I never miss it. IPhone reminders are amazing! I Forgot the other three. Why do I want to remember? Because on those days I would so sit around in my boxers and an old stained t-shirt, drink beer, belch a lot and scratch myself. Sure, I’d clean … More Yikes!!! I Forgot My Anniversary!!!
I have some brilliant friends (opposites attract) who are very quick witted. One of them writes CliffNotes for a living. I asked him about the process and he said, “Well, to make a long story short…” Yeah, I should have known. Who was this guy ‘Cliff’? It couldn’t be Cliff from ‘Cheers’ because his stories … More You’re Way Too Short!!!
The next time you’re waiting to be seated at a very busy restaurant, try this. Take out your cell phone and pretend to be talking to someone. Very loudly say, “Get over here now! He’s with another woman!” I predict you’ll get a table quickly. I don’t know why people cheat on their significant other. … More You Cheated On Me!!!
I always tried to be funny in school. In history, I was taking a test. I had the answers on the palm of my hand. Bob Gress stood beside me and asked, “Is there something interesting on your hand?” I said “No its actually pretty boring.” The principal and I had a nice chat. I … More What??? I Flunked???
The crackdown on the release of classified information is really getting tough. Yesterday a guy in the NSA was charged with treason when he told a coworker that he needed to take a leak. I do hope that the people who have committed felonies and perhaps treason are prosecuted and sentenced appropriately. These people did … More More Leaks!!
Yesterday, a hot girl gave me her phone number without me even asking for it. Ok, I hit her car, but still… Everyone seems to have a different perspective on what constitutes cheating. There is a physical affair that we can all agree on, but there are other behaviors that people think are cheating. There’s … More I’ve Still Got It!!
Years ago, I worked in a clothing store. A woman and her son were looking at ladies jackets. The woman approached me and asked me, “If you had a girlfriend, what kind would you get”? I said,”One that is bullet proof. I’m married”! I guess she didn’t notice that my own clothing wasn’t even color … More Bullet Proof???
Note to self. If you’re hooked up with either Beyoncé or Carrie Underwood, don’t cheat!! Beyoncé has just release a new song and video called “Lemonade” shows the Queen of Pop gleefully smashing dozens of cars and other objects to smithereens with a baseball bat. She has a better batting average than Buster Bosey. We … More Stop Destroying My Car!!
I failed a test and the teacher made me take it home, have my mother sign it and return it to her. My mother asked me why I got an F. I told her it was due to absence. She said that was ridiculous because I was obviously there to flunk the test. I said, … More Cheat? Me????
