I think the only thing aside from my wife I absolutely could not live without is my cell phone. ￼ I think many people are that way. For example, last week I couldn’t find it so I had to take drastic action. I stole my neighbors phone. Now he’ll probably pay it forward and steal … More I Can’t Find My Phones!!!
I used to work for a large cell phone company. My new boss from outside the company wasn’t ‘tech savvy’. One day he called me in his office because his new computer didn’t work. He was standing, pointing the mouse at the monitor and said he couldn’t get the remote to work. I swear, it’s … More Back Off!! I’ve Got This!!!
Before we got married, we had dinner with Heather’s parents. She told me that her Mom is opinionated and mean. I assured her I could stand up to her. I didn’t and Heather wanted to know why. I said “It got to the point where I was more afraid of the flying monkeys looming outside … More Flying Monkeys????
The next time you’re waiting to be seated at a very busy restaurant, try this. Take out your cell phone and pretend to be talking to someone. Very loudly say, “Get over here now! He’s with another woman!” I predict you’ll get a table quickly. I don’t know why people cheat on their significant other. … More You Cheated On Me!!!
Heather got her first ticket from a traffic camera in the mail yesterday. She sent it back with a note that read, “I don’t like the quality of the picture and it’s way too expensive!” Gotta love her. I think most of us despise those stupid cameras unless it catches that annoying speed demon who … More It’s No Good And I’m Not Paying For It!!!!
I have ten thousand pairs of special glasses to protect your eyes during today’s eclipse. They’re free. Its really not that generous because I give them out each Spring and Summer to anyone who is going to be around me while I’m wearing shorts. One unprotected glance can cause eye damage worse than the eclipse. … More Who Turned Out The Lights???
A friend of mine asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. She said, “I’d like to be eight again” On her birthday, it was Coco Puffs for breakfast, then off to the theme park. They went on every ride in the park. Next, McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal. Then to a movie, with popcorn and candy. Exhausted that night, he asked her, “What was it like being eight again?” She said, “I meant my dress size, you idiot!” Even when a man listens, he’s gonna get it wrong. … More What We Got Here, Is A Failure To Communicate!