My house doesn’t have a/c. I didn’t think I could afford a system last year so I bought 34 tubs and kept them filed with dry ice and water with a fan behind each. It was cool but very foggy and I kept running into things. I finally broke my leg. I spent $175,000 that … More I Can’t See Through The Fog!!!
I asked my friend Jake, who is an avid diver, why the divers always fall backwards into the water. He said, “Dummy, if they fell forward they’d still be in the boat.” Um, oh yeah. I should have figured that one out myself. The problem is, I still don’t know the real answer. When you … More Don’t Fall Forward!!!!
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to do so. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. Some people are far too honest. You know them. Proud to … More I’m Better Than You!!!!
A woman was browsing through everything at a friend’s yard sale. “Greg is going to be mad that I’m doing this. Her friend said, “He’ll be happy with all the money you saved.” “I don’t think so. He just broke his leg, and he’s waiting for me to take him to the hospital.” Do you … More She Is Hard Core!!!
Golf is a great sport, unless you die playing it. Then it’s a bummer. … More Killer Golf!
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to move away. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. … More Maniacs!
Don’t make me angry, The voices in my head don’t like it when you make me angry. … More Blood and Guts
Whenever I see hash tags, it makes me hungry for breakfast at Dennys. … More Hash Tags and Eggs!
I think it would be funny if one of the networks hired a group of gregarious psychics and do a show called “The Tomorrow Show. … More The Tonight Show!
In Vancouver, BC, someone invented and now serves marijuana pizza. Brilliant! Satisfy your habit and the munchies at the same time! … More Marijuana Pizza!