An elderly couple were out for a Sunday drive. The woman said, “Look at us. We used to sit right next to each other all of the time. Now you’re way over there and I’m way over here. What happened?” The man said, “I don’t know, I didn’t move.” I haven’t thought about that joke … More I’m Still Here!!!
Modern Family is exactly like The Waltons, except they don’t all live in the same house, they constantly fight with each other and Pa doesn’t work with wood for a living. Um, actually, forget it. They’re not even close. I love Modern Family, the TV show. The characters are hilarious, so you know the writers … More The Family is Coming!? Yikes!!!
A man was sprawled across three seats in a theater. The usher said sir, but you’re only allowed one seat. “Sir, ifI’m going to have to get the manager.” The man didn’t budge. The manager tried to move the guy, with no success. They finally asked him where he was from. He said, “The balcony.” … More Jack Mabbott – A Very Stubborn And Funny Man
The greatest fear of most comedians is standing before God on Judgement Day only to hear him say, “You’re a hack! Remove yourself from my presence until you come back with something original that will make me laugh!” … More Comedians Are People, Too!!!
A man drove past house and noticed a sign in a front yard that read, “Talking dog – Free!!” He immediately asked the owner if the dog was still available. “Yep”, said the man. The motorist had a conversation with the dog and said, “I’ll take him, but I have to ask why you’re letting him go”. The man said, “Simple. I got a divorce because my wife just wouldn’t shut up. He’s worse”. … More Is This Your Dog???
Once, while performing at Bruce Baum’s Comedy Crib, there were a couple of ladies who ordered white wine, very unusual order at a comedy club. I asked one of the women if I could have a sip. So I did, and instantly spit it out, clown style. The woman asked me if there was something wrong with the wine. I said, “No, it just irritated the sores in my mouth”. … More Just Throw It Out There!!!
I think Father’s Day is sort of an afterthought. “Well, I guess we should do something for the guy. He’s been hanging around for a while…” … More Happy Father’s Day – I Guess…
According to Ksl.com, a Park City man died Friday after he collapsed during the Ragnar race. According to McKenzie Romero, a reporter from KSL in Salt Lake City, a paramedic and a registered nurse saw Tyler “Ty” Rasch, 46, collapse just before 8:15 a.m. and responded immediately, Cache County Sheriff’s Lt. Brian Locke said. … More Another Running Tragedy!
We were enjoying a friendly conversation with a couple and I asked, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to?” “Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great.” I said, “That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?” He asked, “What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?”
“You mean a rose?” “Yes, that’s it!” He asked his wife, “Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?” … More Til Death Do We Part – Just Kidding!
I went in to see my supervisor once. I said, “Boss, we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.” The supervisor said, “We’re short-handed, Jerry,” I can’t give you the day off.” I said, “Thanks, boss, you’re the best!” … More The Best In The World!!