It’s very annoying to me that during an interview some people ask and answer their own questions. Example: “Do I think this is lame? Yes.”￼￼ Seriously, for some reason it drives me nuts. I used to have a teacher who would do the same thing. We were never able to answer the question that was … More Am I what!?!?
I always strive to be the best at whatever I do. It doesn’t always work, in fact I’ve only been able￼ to accomplish perfection In one thing. I do a perfect impression of myself. I mean it is spot on! I love doing impressions in my act. I did quite a few, such as￼￼ Forrest … More I am the best!!!
Does anybody ever use a toaster for bread anymore? All of my friends and family seem to use it only for a Ego waffles and pop tarts. It’s no wonder. My toaster has two settings. One, to warm the bread slightly and two, smoke detector mode. I think that maybe it’s time to get a … More I Am Toast!!!
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to do so. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. Some people are far too honest. You know them. Proud to … More I’m Better Than You!!!!
So the President supports the new immigration bill and Californians want to become their own country. It's likely going to be on the 2018 ballot. If it passes, what will happen to those who will seek asylum after being driven nuts by "It's a Small World?" at Disneyland? The world has gone mad. Elect a … More Let Us In… Um Let Us Out!!!
“On my honor, I wasn’t checking her out!” That’s something a lot of men could say to get out of hot water. But Bill Clinton? I don’t think so. And at the Inauguration? Not smart. Talk about poking a hornets nest. Most men have subtle ways of checking out a lady when they’re out with … More I Wasn’t Checking Her Out!!!
The new Vice President kept telling his wife that he can’t believe he’s Vice President. Finally she said, “Get over yourself. Even the grocery store has a vice president of the peas department”. He called the store and asked for the VP of the peas department. She asked, fresh or frozen? It’s been decades since … More Election Day!!!
Who knew it was a thing? It is! I know I certainly had it this morning, trying to open a string cheese package. Seriously? Does it have to be so tough? Those things are harder to open than Bill Clinton’s mouth on the witness stand. … More Wrap Rage!!
Turns out “The Voice” had nothing to do with singers. It was about Adam Levine’s schizophrenia. … More The Voice!
When Bill Clinton was still president, he took Hilary to a baseball game. A home team executive whispered something in Bill’s ear. Bill grabbed Hilary and threw her out on the field. The executive said, No, Mr. President, I asked you to throw the first “pitch”. … More Yer Out! Um, Ok, Safe!!