Yesterday, we went to a campground for some roasted hotdogs, a fire and relaxing atmosphere. Within five minutes of arriving, I was stung by a bee. I know about the bee problem and how we should never kill them but as they say in Texas, "He needed killin'." Bees are wonderful creatures so long as … More I Love the Mountains! Um, Maybe not.
Heather, my wife ordered some Chinese food on Saturday night for her and her and a friend. Yesterday, she smashed one of the fortune cookies with her fist, just for fun. I looked at the “fortune” and it said “Ouch”. Chinese food is ok. I could take it or leave it. The things I used … More My Cookie!!!
iIf you want real exercise and can’t afford the expensive programs, don’t worry. There’s a better way. Just find a very large bee hive and a stick and nail it like a pináta. I know that wasps, bees, scorpions, spiders and fire ants are all God’s creatures but I don’t like being stung or bitten … More The Newest Exercise Program!!
A window salesman phoned a beekeeper. “Mr. Hayes,” said the sales rep. “I’m calling because our company replaced all the windows in your honey-house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you still haven’t sent us a single payment. I know bekeepers haven’t much money, but we really need paid.” Mr. Hayes said, “But you said they’d pay for themselves in 12 months.” … More The Bees Knees!?!
If the eyes are truly the windows to the soul, I’m going to put blinds on them. I don’t need people looking in there. … More Windows to the Soul!
I’ve heard people say, “Don’t get your nose out of joint”, which makes me wonder if some people get arthritis in their nose. … More Arthritis in Your Nose??
In my mind, Fruit Loops sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals. … More Breakfast!
Every time my wife asks me who I’m talking to on the phone, texting, emailing, etc., I always tell her it’s Jake, from State Farm. … More Suspicious Minds!
I used to panic if I lost an important email. Now, if I lose one, I’ll just contact NSA and have them forward their copy. … More NSA
If you are a snooze button user, here is the perfect solution. Place a wasp nest on the top of your clock. Problem solved. … More The Snooze Ruse!