I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to do so. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. Some people are far too honest. You know them. Proud to … More I’m Better Than You!!!!
When my wife was in labor, they had a magician go around to try to distract the Moms. I asked him how he did a card trick. He said “I could tell you but I’d have to kidnap you, never to be seen again. I said, “Actually, my mother-in-law demands to know!” As I sit … More What Is It Already???
Golf is a great sport, unless you die playing it. Then it’s a bummer. … More Killer Golf!
I got into an altercation with an extremely obnoxious man who refused to move away from me, despite repeat requests to move away. I even punched the guy. In jail, my lawyer explained that my behavior was way out of line on a plane. … More Maniacs!
Don’t make me angry, The voices in my head don’t like it when you make me angry. … More Blood and Guts
Whenever I see hash tags, it makes me hungry for breakfast at Dennys. … More Hash Tags and Eggs!
I think it would be funny if one of the networks hired a group of gregarious psychics and do a show called “The Tomorrow Show. … More The Tonight Show!
In Vancouver, BC, someone invented and now serves marijuana pizza. Brilliant! Satisfy your habit and the munchies at the same time! … More Marijuana Pizza!
I’m glad I didn’t become rich and famous in showbiz. I never have the pressure of making a comeback. … More Lights! Camera! Somebody Get Me Out Of Here!
What do you give to the man who has everything? Simple. Penicillin. … More What Do You Get the Person Who Has Everything?